Quotes by Woody Allen

About Woody Allen:

Heywood "Woody" Allen is an American actor, writer, director, comedian and playwright, whose career spans more than 50 years.
A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

You can live to be a hundred if you give up all the things that make you want to live to be a hundred.

Woody Allen

Harvard makes mistakes too, you know. Kissinger taught there.

Woody Allen

Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.

Woody Allen

Who bothers to cook TV dinners? I suck them frozen.

Woody Allen

I tended to place my wife under a pedestal.

Woody Allen

I don't think my parents liked me. They put a live teddy bear in my crib.

Woody Allen

Comedy just pokes at problems, rarely confronts them squarely. Drama is like a plate of meat and potatoes, comedy is rather the dessert, a bit like meringue.

Woody Allen

I just can't listen to any more Wagner, you know...I'm starting to get the urge to conquer Poland.

Woody Allen

It's a match made in heaven...by a retarded angel.

Woody Allen

End production today. Wrap party as usual a little sad. Slow danced with Scarlett. Broke her toe. Not my fault. When she dipped me back, I stepped on it. Penélope and Javier anxious to work with me again. Said if I ever come up with another screenpl...

Woody Allen

Raining. Oh, brother, a scratch on the fender. Damn rabbi on his unicycle. Wait a minute, where are my car keys? Could have sworn I left them in this pocket. No, just some loose change and ticket stubs from the all-black version of Elaine Stritch’ ...

Woody Allen

I did not marry the first girl that I fell in love with, because there was a tremendous religious conflict, at the time. She was an atheist, and I was an agnostic.

Woody Allen

I'm not a drinker, my body won't tolerate...eh...spirits, really. I had two martinis New Years Eve and I tried to hi-jack an elevator and fly it to Cuba.

Woody Allen

More than any other time in history, mankind faces a crossroads. One path leads to despair and utter hopelessness. The other, to total extinction. Let us pray we have the wisdom to choose correctly.

Woody Allen

You rely too much on brain. The brain is the most overrated organ.

Woody Allen

A deranged person is supposed to have the strength of ten men. I have the strength of one small boy... with polio.

Woody Allen

Your self-esteem is a notch below Kafka.

Woody Allen

I should go to Paris and jump off of the Eiffel Tower. If I took the Concorde, I could be dead three hours earlier.

Woody Allen

Honey, you're the one who stopped sleeping with me, OK? It'll be a year come April 20th. I remember the date exactly, because it was Hitler's birthday

Woody Allen

I can't fight. I was once run over by a car with a flat tire, being pushed by two guys.

Woody Allen

I was the captain of the latent paranoid softball team. We used to play all the neurotics on sunday morning. Nailbiters against the bedwetters, and if you've never seen neurotics play softball, it's really funny. I used to steal second base, and feel...

Woody Allen

Author Bio

  • NameWoody Allen
  • DescriptionAmerican screenwriter, director, actor, comedian, author, playwright, and musician
  • AliasesAllan Stewart Konigsberg
  • BornDecember 1, 1935
  • CountryUnited States Of America
  • ProfessionFilm Director; Actor; Film Actor; Screenwriter; Film Producer; Writer; Clarinetist; Playwright; Jazz Musician
  • AwardsAcademy Award For Best Writing (Original Screenplay); Academy Award For Best Director; Writers Guild Of America Award; Donostia Award; Directors Guild Of America Award; Princess Of Asturias Award - Art