Quotes by Woody Allen

About Woody Allen:

Heywood "Woody" Allen is an American actor, writer, director, comedian and playwright, whose career spans more than 50 years.
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In my house I'm the boss, my wife is just the decision maker.

Woody Allen

When we played softball, I'd steal second base, feel guilty and go back.

Woody Allen

I'm astounded by people who want to 'know' the universe when it's hard enough to find your way around Chinatown.

Woody Allen

The lion and the calf shall lie down together but the calf won't get much sleep.

Woody Allen

Some guy hit my fender, and I told him, 'Be fruitful and multiply,' but not in those words.

Woody Allen
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The talent for being happy is appreciating and liking what you have, instead of what you don't have.

Woody Allen

I don't have to 'freedom-kiss' my wife when what I really want to do is French-kiss her.

Woody Allen

My luck is getting worse and worse. Last night, for instance, I was mugged by a quaker.

Woody Allen

I've never been an intellectual but I have this look.

Woody Allen

Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night.

Woody Allen

When I was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. They rented out my room.

Woody Allen

Why are our days numbered and not, say, lettered?

Woody Allen

It's not that I'm afraid to die. I just don't want to be there when it happens.

Woody Allen

He was so depressed, he tried to commit suicide by inhaling next to an Armenian.

Woody Allen

Dying is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down.

Woody Allen

Organized crime in America takes in over forty billion dollars a year and spends very little on office supplies.

Woody Allen

In California, they don't throw their garbage away - they make it into TV shows.

Woody Allen

Students achieving Oneness will move on to Twoness.

Woody Allen

Man consists of two parts, his mind and his body, only the body has more fun.

Woody Allen

In Beverly Hills... they don't throw their garbage away. They make it into television shows.

Woody Allen

What if nothing exists and we're all in somebody's dream?

Woody Allen

Author Bio

  • NameWoody Allen
  • DescriptionAmerican screenwriter, director, actor, comedian, author, playwright, and musician
  • AliasesAllan Stewart Konigsberg
  • BornDecember 1, 1935
  • CountryUnited States Of America
  • ProfessionFilm Director; Actor; Film Actor; Screenwriter; Film Producer; Writer; Clarinetist; Playwright; Jazz Musician
  • AwardsAcademy Award For Best Writing (Original Screenplay); Academy Award For Best Director; Writers Guild Of America Award; Donostia Award; Directors Guild Of America Award; Princess Of Asturias Award - Art