Quotes by Woody Allen

About Woody Allen:

Heywood "Woody" Allen is an American actor, writer, director, comedian and playwright, whose career spans more than 50 years.
A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

I will not eat oysters. I want my food dead. Not sick. Not wounded. Dead.

Woody Allen

The food here is terrible, and the portions are too small.

Woody Allen

If you're not failing every now and again, it's a sign you're not doing anything very innovative.

Woody Allen

I believe there is something out there watching us. Unfortunately, it's the government.

Woody Allen

Basically my wife was immature. I'd be at home in the bath and she'd come in and sink my boats.

Woody Allen

I don't believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.

Woody Allen

I have bad reflexes. I was once run over by a car being pushed by two guys.

Woody Allen

On the plus side, death is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down .

Woody Allen

There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?

Woody Allen

I am not afraid of death, I just don't want to be there when it happens.

Woody Allen

I'm not afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens.

Woody Allen

Marriage is the death of hope.

Woody Allen

It is impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune.

Woody Allen

His lack of education is more than compensated for by his keenly developed moral bankruptcy.

Woody Allen

I had a terrible education. I attended a school for emotionally disturbed teachers.

Woody Allen

As the poet said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.

Woody Allen

To you I'm an atheist; to God, I'm the Loyal Opposition.

Woody Allen

If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in my name at a Swiss bank.

Woody Allen

If you want to make God laugh, tell him about your plans.

Woody Allen

Not only is there no God, but try finding a plumber on Sunday.

Woody Allen

I ran into Isosceles. He had a great idea for a new triangle!

Woody Allen

Author Bio

  • NameWoody Allen
  • DescriptionAmerican screenwriter, director, actor, comedian, author, playwright, and musician
  • AliasesAllan Stewart Konigsberg
  • BornDecember 1, 1935
  • CountryUnited States Of America
  • ProfessionFilm Director; Actor; Film Actor; Screenwriter; Film Producer; Writer; Clarinetist; Playwright; Jazz Musician
  • AwardsAcademy Award For Best Writing (Original Screenplay); Academy Award For Best Director; Writers Guild Of America Award; Donostia Award; Directors Guild Of America Award; Princess Of Asturias Award - Art