Quotes by Woody Allen

About Woody Allen:

Heywood "Woody" Allen is an American actor, writer, director, comedian and playwright, whose career spans more than 50 years.
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We Are The Sum Total Of Our Choices...

Woody Allen

You know how you're always trying to get things to come out perfect in art because it's real difficult in life

Woody Allen

I feel that life is divided into the horrible and the miserable. That's the two categories. The horrible are like, I don't know, terminal cases, you know, and blind people, crippled. I don't know how they get through life. It's amazing to me. And the...

Woody Allen

There's an old joke - um... two elderly women are at a Catskill mountain resort, and one of 'em says, "Boy, the food at this place is really terrible." The other one says, "Yeah, I know; and such small portions." Well, that's essentially how I feel a...

Woody Allen

Life doesn't imitate art, it imitates bad television.

Woody Allen

If Jesus came back and saw what was being done in his name, he'd never stop throwing up.

Woody Allen

I don't want to achieve immortality through my work; I want to achieve immortality through not dying. I don't want to live on in the hearts of my countrymen; I want to live on in my apartment.

Woody Allen

It seemed the world was divided into good and bad people. The good ones slept better, [Cloquet thought,] while the bad ones seemed to enjoy the waking hours much more.

Woody Allen

The other shoppers were too well behaved to stare at the green-headed stoner and the tear-streaked lady zigzagging up the aisles with a chubby bearded guy scurrying behind them picking up the things they dropped.

Woody Allen

True, science has conquered many diseases, broken the genetic code, and even placed human beings on the moon, and yet when a man of eighty is left in a room with two eighteen-year-old cocktail waitresses nothing happens.

Woody Allen

In order to be a writer, "Maugham continues: "one must take chances and not be afraid to look foolish. I wrote The Razor's Edge while wearing a paper hat….

Woody Allen

He's dreaming, Cloquet thought, as he stood over him, revolver in hand. He's dreaming, and I exist in reality. Cloquet hated reality but realized it was still the only place to get a good steak.

Woody Allen

I like the rain. It washes memories off the sidewalk of life.

Woody Allen

I believe people ought to mate for life...like pigeons or Catholics.

Woody Allen

David: And you think it can just evaporate? Even if at one time they loved one another? Marx: That's one of the sad truths of existence. Nothing in this world is permanent. Even the characters created by the great Shakespeare will, in millions of yea...

Woody Allen

I am thankful for laughter, except when milk comes out of my nose.

Woody Allen

Why does man kill? He kills for food. And not only food: Frequently there must be a beverage.

Woody Allen

Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.

Woody Allen

The chief problem about death, incidentally, is the fear that there may be no afterlife - a depressing thought, particularly for those who bothered to shave. Also, there is the fear that there is an afterlife but no one will know where it's being hel...

Woody Allen

Sex without love is a meaningless experience, but as far as meaningless experiences go its pretty damn good.

Woody Allen

Author Bio

  • NameWoody Allen
  • DescriptionAmerican screenwriter, director, actor, comedian, author, playwright, and musician
  • AliasesAllan Stewart Konigsberg
  • BornDecember 1, 1935
  • CountryUnited States Of America
  • ProfessionFilm Director; Actor; Film Actor; Screenwriter; Film Producer; Writer; Clarinetist; Playwright; Jazz Musician
  • AwardsAcademy Award For Best Writing (Original Screenplay); Academy Award For Best Director; Writers Guild Of America Award; Donostia Award; Directors Guild Of America Award; Princess Of Asturias Award - Art