Quotes by Tucker Max

About Tucker Max:

Tucker Max is an American author and public speaker. He chronicles his drinking and sexual encounters in the form of short stories on his website TuckerMax.com, which has received millions of visitors since Max launched it as the result of a bet in 2000.
A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

Anything that reflects the human condition back on humans in the entertainment medium is art.

Tucker Max

Leave it up to hipster nerds to pretend to hate something that they actually want

Tucker Max

No one has it all figured out, especially not the people who are acting like they do and judging you because of it. Pretending to be something you aren't because you're trying to please a bunch of judgmental hypocrites and shitheads is not the way to...

Tucker Max

If people try to judge you or shame you for doing safe, consensual things that make you happy, I can guarantee you they're bad people.

Tucker Max

... the devil doesn't come dressed in a red cape and pointy horns. He comes as everything you've ever wished for ...

Tucker Max

8:58 We go to McDonald's. The woman in front of me in line spends more than five seconds contemplating her order. This infuriates me, "WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING FOR?? MC-SEABASS?? IT'S THE GODDAMN MCDONALDS'S MENU, IT'S BEEN THE SAME FOR TEN YEARS! IT'S A...

Tucker Max

Ladies, let me give you some advice. You can throw all your stupid fucking chick-lit, self-help, why-doesn't-he-love-me books out, because this is all you need to know: Men will treat you the way you let them. There is no such thing as "deserving" re...

Tucker Max

The haters always scream the loudest.

Tucker Max

No one has probably helped me more with my narcissism than my dog.

Tucker Max

The point of psychoanalysis is to really understand the roots of your behavior. Understand why you are doing the things you're doing - and connect your unconscious to your conscious.

Tucker Max

I'm a human. Every human is flawed. I might be flawed in different ways than some people, or worse ways than some people, or better ways than some people.

Tucker Max

Corporate tweets are like one robot talking to another.

Tucker Max

I'm a decent-looking guy, but I've never walked into a room and got a girl because of how I looked. Look, I'm never excluded because of my looks. I just don't stand out.

Tucker Max

I don't even pursue girls anymore. I mean, I could obviously still pursue girls. It's not like I can't. But I don't have to pursue girls anymore. Girls come to me.

Tucker Max

You know, even big-time academics kind of have groupies. Anyone with any sort of fame. So, like, in your micro-world, or in your niche, you're kind of like a celebrity.

Tucker Max

Even if I was a Republican, George Bush would have pushed me out of that party.

Tucker Max

The narcissist act is not an act. I actually am a narcissist, very much so. My world revolves around me.

Tucker Max

If you make comedy, if you try and make comedy where no one gets upset or offended, you're going to fail.

Tucker Max

Think about it: If you don't have any actual, tangible skills, then how can you do anything? You may be laughing and nodding, but do you realize how few people, when asked the basic question, 'What can you do?' stumble on the answer and have nothing ...

Tucker Max

If you like to argue just for the sake of being contentious, you shouldn't pick a job based on this unresolved emotional issue of yours, you should get counseling for it.

Tucker Max

Author Bio

  • NameTucker Max
  • DescriptionInternet personality; blogger; author
  • BornSeptember 27, 1975
  • CountryUnited States Of America
  • ProfessionScreenwriter; Film Producer
  • WorksI Hope They Serve Beer In Hell; Assholes Finish First; Hilarity Ensues