Quotes by Steven Wright

About Steven Wright:

Steven Alexander Wright is an American comedian, actor, writer, and an Oscar-winning film producer. He is known for his distinctly lethargic voice and slow, deadpan delivery of ironic, philosophical and sometimes nonsensical jokes, paraprosdokians, non sequiturs, anti-humor, and one-liners with contrived situations.
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How young can you die of old age?

Steven Wright

It's very intense to be in front of a live audience. It's just an amazing experience. It's dangerous. Everything out there is heightened. The bad stuff is extra-worse. The silences are extra-silent. The good stuff is amazing. It's electric when you w...

Steven Wright

I paint; I draw and paint - I've been doing that since I was in third grade, drawing realistically and then changing to abstract art. That was my first creative thing before guitar or comedy.

Steven Wright

I'm writing a book. I'm almost finished. I numbered the pages. Now all I have to do is fill them in.

Steven Wright

I intend to live forever. So far, so good.

Steven Wright

For my birthday I got a humidifier and a de-humidifier... I put them in the same room and let them fight it out.

Steven Wright
Birthday quotes by Steven Wright, UberQuotes

I remember when the candle shop burned down. Everyone stood around singing 'Happy Birthday.'

Steven Wright

I kept a diary right after I was born. Day 1: Tired from the move. Day 2: Everyone thinks I'm an idiot.

Steven Wright

The Bermuda Triangle got tired of warm weather. It moved to Alaska. Now Santa Claus is missing.

Steven Wright

I invented the cordless extension cord.

Steven Wright

There's a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.

Steven Wright

Curiosity killed the cat, but for a while I was a suspect.

Steven Wright

I was walking down the street wearing glasses when the prescription ran out.

Steven Wright

I was trying to daydream, but my mind kept wandering.

Steven Wright

It doesn't make a difference what temperature a room is, it's always room temperature.

Steven Wright

Last night I stayed up late playing poker with Tarot cards. I got a full house and four people died.

Steven Wright

I went to the museum where they had all the heads and arms from the statues that are in all the other museums.

Steven Wright

What a nice night for an evening.

Steven Wright
Life quotes by Steven Wright, Time quotes by Steven Wright, Good quotes by Steven Wright, History quotes by Steven Wright, Finance quotes by Steven Wright, UberQuotes

Whenever I think of the past, it brings back so many memories.

Steven Wright

I think it's wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly.

Steven Wright

Author Bio

  • NameSteven Wright
  • DescriptionAmerican actor and author
  • BornDecember 6, 1955
  • CountryUnited States Of America
  • ProfessionActor; Author