Quotes by Stephen Colbert

About Stephen Colbert:

Stephen Tyrone Colbert is an American comedian, writer, producer, actor, singer, media critic, and television host. He currently hosts the late-night television talk show The Late Show with Stephen Colbert on CBS, succeeding David Letterman.
A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

Reality has a well-known liberal bias.

Stephen Colbert

I don't like books, they're all fact, no heart.

Stephen Colbert

In order to be a top-tier candidate, I need 7.5 million dollars, and I currently have 0.0 million dollars.

Stephen Colbert

I've been accused of being unambitious, but what I do takes up every minute. I'm executive producer, I'm a writer and the host.

Stephen Colbert

Scientists have invented a new strain of cannabis without the high. They celebrated with non-alcoholic beer and furious dry-humping.

Stephen Colbert

In America, we know to ignore artists if they're serious in any way.

Stephen Colbert

The Yankees' Facebook page was hacked. The hacker was immediately purchased and signed to a 5 year contract with the Yankees.

Stephen Colbert

In God's eyes all children are beautiful but here on earth we have higher standards.

Stephen Colbert

If this is going to be a Christian nation that doesn't help the poor, either we have to pretend that Jesus was just as selfish as we are, or we've got to acknowledge that He commanded us to love the poor and serve the needy without condition and then...

Stephen Colbert

Remember, you cannot be both young and wise. Young people who pretend to be wise to the ways of the world are mostly just cynics. Cynicism masquerades as wisdom, but it is the farthest thing from it. Because cynics don’t learn anything. Because cyn...

Stephen Colbert

Cynicism masquerades as wisdom, but it is the farthest thing from it. Because cynics don’t learn anything. Because cynicism is a self-imposed blindness, a rejection of the world because we are afraid it will hurt us or disappoint us.

Stephen Colbert

The interesting thing about grief, I think, is that it is its own size. It is not the size of you. It is its own size. And grief comes to you. You know what I mean? I’ve always liked that phrase “He was visited by grief,” because that’s reall...

Stephen Colbert

They say the only people who tell the truth are drunkards and children. Guess which one I am.

Stephen Colbert

Summer movie idea: take all the sequels that are out right now, and make movies about their backstories.

Stephen Colbert

If women are breadwinners and men bring home the bacon, why do people complain about having no dough? I'm confused. Also hungry.

Stephen Colbert

I believe that the government that governs best is a government that governs least, and by these standards we have set up a fabulous government in Iraq.

Stephen Colbert

God works in mysterious ways but at least he works, he's never on welfare in a mysterious way.

Stephen Colbert

There's an old saying about those who forget history. I don't remember it, but it's good.

Stephen Colbert

They said you can't go to the moon. They said you can't put cheese inside a pizza crust, but NASA did it. They had to, because the cheese kept floating off in space.

Stephen Colbert

If our Founding Fathers wanted us to care about the rest of the world, they wouldn't have declared their independence from it.

Stephen Colbert

Women don't want all that. Women just want a partner who is considerate and attentive, who will spoon with them while reciting Keats, and feed them organic yogurt by candlelight on a seaside cliff at sunset.

Stephen Colbert

Author Bio

  • NameStephen Colbert
  • DescriptionAmerican political satirist, writer, comedian, television host, and actor
  • AliasesStephen Tyrone Colbert
  • BornMay 13, 1964
  • CountryUnited States Of America
  • ProfessionActor; Comedian; Screenwriter; Television Presenter; Novelist; Writer
  • AwardsGrammy Award For Best Spoken Word Album; Writers Guild Of America Award; Primetime Emmy Award