Quotes by Stephen Colbert

About Stephen Colbert:

Stephen Tyrone Colbert is an American comedian, writer, producer, actor, singer, media critic, and television host. He currently hosts the late-night television talk show The Late Show with Stephen Colbert on CBS, succeeding David Letterman.
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Don't let your girlfriend cut your hair!

Stephen Colbert

The Crusaders lead to the Knights Templar; the Knights Templar lead to the Masons; and the Masons lead to the Shriners, a secret society that controls world government, toys with our banking system, and single-handedly keeps the fez industry afloat.

Stephen Colbert

Throughout human history, countries rise and fall. But not America--we continue to rise and rise, like dough, until Jesus bakes us in the fiery Afterscape of the Rapture.

Stephen Colbert

I can't prove it, but I can say it.

Stephen Colbert

You shouldn't listen to us at all if you're looking for information. We don't take ourselves seriously on any level; we're just comedians.

Stephen Colbert

Isn't an agnostic just an atheist without balls?

Stephen Colbert

There's nothing wrong with being gay. I have plenty of friends who are going to hell.

Stephen Colbert

It used to be, everyone was entitled to their own opinion, but not their own facts. But that's not the case anymore. Facts matter not at all. Perception is everything.

Stephen Colbert

The interesting thing about grief, I think, is that it is its own size. It is not the size of you. It is its own size. And grief comes to you.

Stephen Colbert

All I can do is today and tomorrow and have some idea of what we're doing next week. That's all I can worry about.

Stephen Colbert

I'm a satirist, so I've got boxing gloves on if the person is worthy of satire. But I'm not an assassin.

Stephen Colbert

I'm an actor. I hate to blow everyone's illusions.

Stephen Colbert

I'm not here to affect you politically or socially. I'm here to make you laugh. I use the news as the palette for my jokes.

Stephen Colbert

Northwestern's alumni list is truly impressive. This university has graduated best-selling authors, Olympians, presidential candidates, Grammy winners, Peabody winners, Emmy winners, and that's just me!

Stephen Colbert

I not only loved studying theater, I loved being a theater major. It gave me an excuse to brood, to grow a beard, to wear black 'at' people. I didn't just want to play Hamlet, I wanted to be Hamlet.

Stephen Colbert

I don't accept the status quo. I do accept Visa, MasterCard, or American Express.

Stephen Colbert

Facts matter not at all. Perception is everything. It's certainty.

Stephen Colbert

What the right-wing in the United States tries to do is undermine the press.

Stephen Colbert

My brother Billy was the joke teller. My brother Jim had a really sharp, cutting wit. And the teller of long stories, that was my brother Ed. As a child, I just absorbed everything they said, and I was always in competition for the laughs.

Stephen Colbert

I'm a satirist, so I've got boxing gloves on if the person is worthy of satire. But I'm not an assassin. If that ever happens, it's only because something happened during the interview that got me going, and then I had to translate my feelings to the...

Stephen Colbert

Shamelessness is a wonderful part of the character.

Stephen Colbert

Author Bio

  • NameStephen Colbert
  • DescriptionAmerican political satirist, writer, comedian, television host, and actor
  • AliasesStephen Tyrone Colbert
  • BornMay 13, 1964
  • CountryUnited States Of America
  • ProfessionActor; Comedian; Screenwriter; Television Presenter; Novelist; Writer
  • AwardsGrammy Award For Best Spoken Word Album; Writers Guild Of America Award; Primetime Emmy Award