Quotes by Sloane Crosley

About Sloane Crosley:

Sloane Crosley is a writer living in New York and the author of the collections of essays, I Was Told There'd Be Cake and How Did You Get This Number. She also worked as a publicist at the Vintage Books division of Random House and as an adjunct professor in Columbia University’s Master of Fine Arts program. She graduated from Connecticut College in 2000.
A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

You should never wear anything you can't afford to lose.

Sloane Crosley

You just don't notice the time line of your own metamorphosis. Until you do.

Sloane Crosley

On occasion, it occurs to adults that they are allowed to do all the things that being a child prevented them from doing. But those desires change when you're not looking. There was a time when your favorite color transferred from purple to blue to w...

Sloane Crosley

The nursery rhyme ends when a spider comes along and frightens Miss Muffet straight off her tuffet. I have wondered about what kind of lesson this is for a young girl. If you're eating your curds and whey and a spider comes along, I don't think there...

Sloane Crosley

People tend to be more tofu-like, able to absorb whatever environment they're dropped into. But where does the adaptability end and your actual personality begin?

Sloane Crosley

It's remarkable the logic we'll build around a misapprehension.

Sloane Crosley

How above-the-law children's books are. Hansel and Gretel (littering, breaking and entering), Rumpelstiltskin (forced labor), Snow White (conspiracy to commit murder), Rapunzel (break of contract).

Sloane Crosley

In my lame pescetarian defense, it's very hard to be a girl and say you won't eat something. Refuse one plate of bacon-wrapped pork rinds and you're anorexic. Accept them and you're on the Atkins. Excuse yourself to go to the bathroom and you're buli...

Sloane Crosley

When you have a steady and lifelong group of girlfriends, chances are the person you're telling the story to is actually part of the story.

Sloane Crosley

The children were overwhelmingly morbid. Not a single adult asked me where butterflies go when they die, but this question was more popular than pixie sticks with the under-four-foot set. I cursed parents for not preparing their children. When I was ...

Sloane Crosley

People are less quick to applaud you as you grow older. Life starts out with everyone clapping when you take a poo and goes downhill from there.

Sloane Crosley

Life starts out with everyone clapping when you take a poo and goes downhill from there.

Sloane Crosley

I was stunned. I pulled the phone away and looked quizzically at the hole-punched speaker. Aside from the blood obligation to be my sister's maid of honor, it had never occured to me that I would get asked to be in anyone's wedding. I thought we had ...

Sloane Crosley

The only bit I have pictured in any detail is the music (maybe 'The Book of Love' by the Magnetic Fields. Or Johnny Cash's 'It Ain't Me, Babe'). It doesn't matter if the selection is slow or fast, but couples shouldn't scramble to select it. If you h...

Sloane Crosley

Names I am most commonly called by telemarketers: Simone, Slain, Siobhan, Flo, Stacey, Susan, Slater, Leanne, and Slow (Yes, my parents named me "Slow". That's because they hate me and made me sleep in the linen closet subsisting only on bath salts a...

Sloane Crosley

I never asked my mother where babies came from but I remember clearly the day she volunteered the information....my mother called me to set the table for dinner. She sat me down in the kitchen, and under the classic caveat of 'loving each other very,...

Sloane Crosley

Who do you have to sleep with to get laid in this town?

Sloane Crosley

The Queen of Crafts herself, Martha Stewart, and I have the same birthday. I prefer to think it's the glue-gun wielding, perfect-tart-producing Martha and not the copper pan-throwing, jail-going Martha. But I suppose if I am going to share a calendar...

Sloane Crosley

Since graduation, I have measured time in 4-by-5-inch pieces of paper, four days on the left and three on the right. Every social engagement, interview, reading, flight, doctor's appointment, birthday and dry-cleaning reminder has been handwritten be...

Sloane Crosley

I'm a summer baby, so I usually have my birthday as a good summer memory.

Sloane Crosley

Author Bio

  • NameSloane Crosley
  • DescriptionAmerican writer
  • BornAugust 3, 1978
  • CountryUnited States Of America