Quotes by Rodney Dangerfield

About Rodney Dangerfield:

Rodney Dangerfield is also remembered for his 1980s film roles, especially in Easy Money, Caddyshack, and Back to School.
A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

My wife met me at the door the other night in a sexy negligee. Unfortunately, she was just coming home.

Rodney Dangerfield

At twenty a man is full of fight and hope. He wants to reform the world. When he is seventy he still wants to reform the world, but he know he can't.

Rodney Dangerfield

My wife wants sex in the back of the car and she wants me to drive.

Rodney Dangerfield

Yeah, I know I'm ugly... I said to a bartender, 'Make me a zombie.' He said 'God beat me to it.'

Rodney Dangerfield

I have good looking kids. Thank goodness my wife cheats on me.

Rodney Dangerfield

I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her.

Rodney Dangerfield
Funny quotes by Rodney Dangerfield, UberQuotes

I found there was only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people.

Rodney Dangerfield

The way my luck is running, if I was a politician I would be honest.

Rodney Dangerfield

My wife's jealousy is getting ridiculous. The other day she looked at my calendar and wanted to know who May was.

Rodney Dangerfield

If it wasn't for pick-pockets I'd have no sex life at all.

Rodney Dangerfield

Life is just a bowl of pits.

Rodney Dangerfield

Acting deals with very delicate emotions. It is not putting up a mask. Each time an actor acts he does not hide; he exposes himself.

Rodney Dangerfield

I drink too much. The last time I gave a urine sample it had an olive in it.

Rodney Dangerfield

I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.

Rodney Dangerfield

I get no respect. The way my luck is running, if I was a politician I would be honest.

Rodney Dangerfield

I went to a fight the other night, and a hockey game broke out.

Rodney Dangerfield

When I was born I was so ugly the doctor slapped my mother.

Rodney Dangerfield

This morning when I put on my underwear I could hear the fruit-of-the-loom guys laughing at me.

Rodney Dangerfield

My mother had morning sickness after I was born.

Rodney Dangerfield

Men who do things without being told draw the most wages.

Rodney Dangerfield

We sleep in separate rooms, we have dinner apart, we take separate vacations - we're doing everything we can to keep our marriage together.

Rodney Dangerfield

Author Bio

  • NameRodney Dangerfield
  • DescriptionAmerican actor and comedian
  • BornNovember 22, 1921
  • DiedOctober 5, 2004
  • CountryUnited States Of America
  • ProfessionActor