Quotes by Rodney Dangerfield

About Rodney Dangerfield:

Rodney Dangerfield is also remembered for his 1980s film roles, especially in Easy Money, Caddyshack, and Back to School.
A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

I'm at the age where food has taken the place of sex in my life. In fact, I've just had a mirror put over my kitchen table.

Rodney Dangerfield

Life's a short trip. You'll find out.

Rodney Dangerfield

With my wife I don't get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to 'the best woman a man ever had.' The waiter joined me.

Rodney Dangerfield

When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.

Rodney Dangerfield
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My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too.

Rodney Dangerfield

My mother never breast fed me, she told me she only liked me as a friend.

Rodney Dangerfield

My cousins gay, he went to London only to find out that Big Ben was a clock.

Rodney Dangerfield

I'm taking Viagra and drinking prune juice - I don't know if I'm coming or going.

Rodney Dangerfield

I was so ugly my mother used to feed me with a sling shot.

Rodney Dangerfield

I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet.

Rodney Dangerfield

What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bee and he told me about the butcher and my wife.

Rodney Dangerfield

Some dog I got too. We call him Egypt. Because in every room he leaves a pyramid.

Rodney Dangerfield

One year they asked me to be poster boy - for birth control.

Rodney Dangerfield

My uncle's dying wish - he wanted me on his lap. He was in the electric chair.

Rodney Dangerfield

I told my dentist my teeth are going yellow. he told me to wear a brown tie.

Rodney Dangerfield

I met the surgeon general - he offered me a cigarette.

Rodney Dangerfield

My wife is always trying to get rid of me. The other day she told me to put the garbage out. I said to her I already did. She told me to go and keep an eye on it.

Rodney Dangerfield

My father carries around the picture of the kid who came with his wallet.

Rodney Dangerfield

I had plenty of pimples as a kid. One day I fell asleep in the library. When I woke up, a blind man was reading my face.

Rodney Dangerfield

I could tell my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio.

Rodney Dangerfield

Author Bio

  • NameRodney Dangerfield
  • DescriptionAmerican actor and comedian
  • BornNovember 22, 1921
  • DiedOctober 5, 2004
  • CountryUnited States Of America
  • ProfessionActor