Quotes by Robert Orben

About Robert Orben:

Robert Orben is best known as an American professional comedy writer, though he also worked as a speechwriter for Gerald R. Ford and as a magician. He has written multiple books on comedy, mostly collections of gags and "one-liners" originally written for his newsletter, Orben's Current Comedy, and he has also written books for magicians.
A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

The chance to be seen as a warm, witty guy is too good an opportunity for a politician to miss.

Robert Orben

Washington is a place where politicians don't know which way is up and taxes don't know which way is down.

Robert Orben

Quit worrying about your health. It will go away.

Robert Orben

I take my children everywhere, but they always find their way back home.

Robert Orben

Happiness is a very small desk and a very big wastebasket.

Robert Orben

In prehistoric times, mankind often had only two choices in crisis situations: fight or flee. In modern times, humor offers us a third alternative; fight, flee - or laugh.

Robert Orben

Humor starts like a wildfire, but then continues on, smoldering, smoldering for years.

Robert Orben

I remember when humor was gentle pokes. I used to call it 'arm around the shoulder' humor. Now they go for the jugular and they take no prisoners. It's mean, mean stuff.

Robert Orben

Inflation is bringing us true democracy. For the first time in history, luxuries and necessities are selling at the same price.

Robert Orben

To err is human - and to blame it on a computer is even more so.

Robert Orben

Spring is God's way of saying, 'One more time!'

Robert Orben

Planned obsolescence is not really a new concept. God used it with people.

Robert Orben

Love is so confusing - you tell a girl she looks great and what's the first thing you do? Turn out the lights!

Robert Orben

President Ford used humor a great deal.

Robert Orben

A graduation ceremony is an event where the commencement speaker tells thousands of students dressed in identical caps and gowns that 'individuality' is the key to success.

Robert Orben

Life was a lot simpler when what we honored was father and mother rather than all major credit cards.

Robert Orben

Time flies. It's up to you to be the navigator.

Robert Orben

Every morning I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work.

Robert Orben

Do you ever get the feeling that the only reason we have elections is to find out if the polls were right?

Robert Orben

Never raise your hand to your children - it leaves your midsection unprotected.

Robert Orben

If you can laugh together, you can work together.

Robert Orben

Author Bio

  • NameRobert Orben
  • DescriptionAmerican magician and writer
  • BornMarch 4, 1927
  • ProfessionMagician