Quotes by Phyllis Diller

About Phyllis Diller:

Phyllis Ada Driver was an American stand-up comedian, actress, singer, dancer, and voice artist, best known for her eccentric stage persona, her self-deprecating humor, her wild hair and clothes, and her exaggerated, cackling laugh.
A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age - as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.

Phyllis Diller

Old age is when the liver spots show through your gloves.

Phyllis Diller

Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.

Phyllis Diller

My recipe for dealing with anger and frustration: set the kitchen timer for twenty minutes, cry, rant, and rave, and at the sound of the bell, simmer down and go about business as usual.

Phyllis Diller

Best way to get rid of kitchen odors: Eat out.

Phyllis Diller

I want my children to have all the things I couldn't afford. Then I want to move in with them.

Phyllis Diller

Burt Reynolds once asked me out. I was in his room.

Phyllis Diller

You know you're old if your walker has an airbag.

Phyllis Diller

Aim high, and you won't shoot your foot off.

Phyllis Diller

You know you're old if they have discontinued your blood type.

Phyllis Diller

I admit, I have a tremendous sex drive. My boyfriend lives forty miles away.

Phyllis Diller

If it weren't for baseball, many kids wouldn't know what a millionaire looked like.

Phyllis Diller

My mother-in-law had a pain beneath her left breast. Turned out to be a trick knee.

Phyllis Diller

I asked the waiter, 'Is this milk fresh?' He said, 'Lady, three hours ago it was grass.'

Phyllis Diller

Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing up is like shoveling the walk before it stops snowing.

Phyllis Diller

You know you're old when someone compliments you on your alligator shoes, and you're barefoot.

Phyllis Diller

I wanted to become me, totally me. The more me, the better. I instinctively knew this and I was right.

Phyllis Diller

I buried a lot of my ironing in the back yard.

Phyllis Diller

His finest hour lasted a minute and a half.

Phyllis Diller

I'm eighteen years behind in my ironing.

Phyllis Diller

Author Bio

  • NamePhyllis Diller
  • DescriptionAmerican actress and stand-up comedianne
  • BornJuly 17, 1917
  • DiedAugust 20, 2012
  • CountryUnited States Of America
  • ProfessionActor; Comedian; Voice Actor