Quotes by Nicki Elson

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She was starting to think that it might be fun to be in control of the universe.

Nicki Elson

I know every guy here, and they’re all pretty much jerks.

Nicki Elson

You’re supposed to pinch yourself – not the one you’re dreaming about.

Nicki Elson

Was she on some sort of Candid Camera version of This is Your Sucky Love Life?

Nicki Elson

I’m not sitting back here with another dude while there are two perfectly doable females in the car.

Nicki Elson

C’mon good girl, be bad.

Nicki Elson

I asked my interior designer to give me something appropriate for defiling virgins.

Nicki Elson

It was simply a matter of asking him to remove the tie from his head before he made love to her.

Nicki Elson

Chapter 1: I suggest you icksnay on the artalecsmay.

Nicki Elson

What exactly does that expression even mean? An ass that won’t quit? Think about the primary function of an ass—I’d think that’s the sort of thing you might want to quit.

Nicki Elson

Oh.” It was one those ohs that came packed with layers of meaning — none of which merely meant oh.

Nicki Elson

Just because he’s a guy doesn’t mean he and I can’t be just friends.” “And just because you don’t have to insert batteries into him doesn’t mean you can’t be more.

Nicki Elson

In what way did your parents screw up to make you the woman you are today?

Nicki Elson

My imagination plus Vibrizzio is not only equal to but also greater than a real man. Why should I settle for second best?

Nicki Elson

That’s all women need men for? Sperm, a paycheck, and free flights?

Nicki Elson

He’s so outta my league, we’re not even playing the same sport… He’s professional soccer in Europe and I’m intramural badminton in the States.

Nicki Elson

You have a travel vibrator, so I assume you call this one your house vibrator. Store one in your dashboard for a car vibrator too? What about your desk at work? And do they each have their own name, or is it like George Foreman’s kids – Vibrizzio...

Nicki Elson

Does getting nailed by a werewolf count as bestiality?

Nicki Elson

Some of us feel the need to experience life before bending to the will of an arcane society.

Nicki Elson

One day she was going to be found dead mid-hump on a polyurethane phallus

Nicki Elson

Vibrizzio? You named it! Okay, this isn’t even close to healthy.

Nicki Elson