Quotes by Milton Berle

About Milton Berle:

Milton Berle was an American comedian and actor. As the host of NBC's Texaco Star Theater (1948–55), he was the first major American television star and was known to millions of viewers as "Uncle Miltie" and "Mr. Television" during TV's golden age.
A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

I'd rather be a could-be if I cannot be an are; because a could-be is a maybe who is reaching for a star. I'd rather be a has-been than a might-have-been, by far; for a might have-been has never been, but a has was once an are.

Milton Berle

The company accountant is shy and retiring. He's shy a quarter of a million dollars. That's why he's retiring.

Milton Berle

Poverty is not a disgrace, but it's terribly inconvenient.

Milton Berle

I feel like Zsa Zsa Gabor's sixth husband. I know what I'm supposed to do, but I don't know how to make it interesting.

Milton Berle

I live to laugh, and I laugh to live.

Milton Berle

I just filled out my income tax forms. Who says you can't get killed by a blank?

Milton Berle

Anytime a person goes into a delicatessen and orders a pastrami on white bread, somewhere a Jew dies.

Milton Berle

A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.

Milton Berle

Experience is what you have after you've forgotten her name.

Milton Berle

Laughter is an instant vacation.

Milton Berle

You can lead a man to Congress, but you can't make him think.

Milton Berle

A committee is a group that keeps minutes and loses hours.

Milton Berle

We owe a lot to Thomas Edison - if it wasn't for him, we'd be watching television by candlelight.

Milton Berle

If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door.

Milton Berle

If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands?

Milton Berle

Author Bio

  • NameMilton Berle
  • DescriptionAmerican comedian and actor
  • BornJuly 12, 1908
  • DiedMarch 27, 2002
  • CountryUnited States Of America
  • ProfessionActor