Quotes by Mark Twain

About Mark Twain:

Samuel Langhorne Clemens was an American author and humorist. He wrote The Adventures of Tom Sawyer (1876) and its sequel, Adventures of Huckleberry Finn (1885), the latter often called "The Great American Novel".
A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

Nothing exists; all is a dream. God—man—the world—the sun, the moon, the wilderness of stars—a dream, all a dream; they have no existence. Nothing exists save empty space—and you!

Mark Twain

Of all the various kinds of sexual intercourse, this has the least to recommend it. As an amusement, it is too fleeting; as an occupation, it is too wearing; as a public exhibition, there is no money in it. It is unsuited to the drawing room, and in ...

Mark Twain

When you fish for love, bait with your heart, not your brain.

Mark Twain

Education consists mainly of what we have unlearned.

Mark Twain

My books are water; those of the great geniuses is wine. Everybody drinks water.

Mark Twain

If man could be crossed with a cat, it would improve man but deteriorate the cat.

Mark Twain

If Christ were here there is one thing he would not be—a Christian.

Mark Twain

Obscurity and a competence—that is the life that is best worth living.

Mark Twain

Thou shalt not commit adultry is a command which makes no distinction between the following persons. They are all required to obey it: children at birth. Children in the cradle. School children. Youths and maidens. Fresh adults. Older ones. Men and w...

Mark Twain

You cannot surprise an individual more than twice with the same marvel

Mark Twain

Now and then we had a hope that if we lived and were good, God would permit us to be pirates.

Mark Twain

After a long time and many questions, Satan said, "The spider kills the fly, and eats it; the bird kills the spider and eats it; the wildcat kills the goose; the -- well, they all kill each other. It is murder all along the line. Here are countless m...

Mark Twain

Satan had been making admiring remarks about certain of the Creator's sparkling industries -- remarks which, being read between the lines, were sarcasms.

Mark Twain

At noon I observed a bevy of nude young native women bathing in the sea, and I went and sat down on there clothes to keep them from being stolen.

Mark Twain

I was sorry to have my name mentioned as one of the great authors, because they have a sad habit of dying off. Chaucer is dead, Spencer is dead, so is Milton, so is Shakespeare, and I’m not feeling so well myself.

Mark Twain

Then the cow asked: "What is a mirror?" "It is a hole in the wall," said the cat. "You look in it, and there you see the picture, and it is so dainty and charming and ethereal and inspiring in its unimaginable beauty that your head turns round and ro...

Mark Twain

Podtyagin considers whether to take offence or not -- and decides to take offence.

Mark Twain

I haven't a particle of confidence in a man who has no redeeming petty vices whatsoever.

Mark Twain

A person that started in to carry a cat home by the tail was gitting knowledge that was always going to be useful to him, and warn't ever going to grow dim or doubtful.

Mark Twain

That's the difference between governments and individuals. Governments don't care, individuals do.

Mark Twain

I have found out that there ain't no surer way to find out whether you like people or hate them than to travel with them.

Mark Twain

Author Bio

  • NameMark Twain
  • DescriptionAmerican author and humorist
  • AliasesSamuel Langhorne Clemens; Samuel Clemens
  • BornNovember 30, 1835
  • DiedApril 21, 1910
  • CountryUnited States Of America
  • ProfessionJournalist; Humorist; Novelist; Children's Writer; Autobiographer
  • WorksAdventures Of Huckleberry Finn; The Adventures Of Tom Sawyer