Manners without sincerity, is called polite society
The only way I’d ever die of a broken heart, is if I slammed into something really hard
I used to be into ‘forbidden fruit’, but I’ve moved on to‘verboten vegetables
If you see the light at the end of the tunnel, you’re looking through binoculars the wrong way
Loving someone is sticking a pin through a voodoo doll and not hitting any vital organs
If you deny the existence of a higher being, you've never been to rehab
If you don't fall down now and again, it just means the training wheels are working
Revenge is a dish best served in something microwaveable
You're only given as much as you can handle, before going back for seconds
You always miss 100% of the shots you don't order
I like gross generalizations...I also like disgusting specifics!
An alibi is one alliterative consonant short of being a magic carpet
Don't be so hard on yourself....that's what a loofah's for
There's always someone we'd love to kill, the trick is to make it not look like an accident
In order to butterfly kiss, does it require caterpillar lips?
If the love is not madness, then the sex is not insane
I try not to take things lying down, especially rectal thermometers
If you got caught with your pants down. I suppose the first question to ask is, what were you doing in a fishing net
Love is just the chocolate-coated realization you're going to spend the rest of your life with a person and unfortunately it melts in your mouth
Treat me like a king and I'll treat you like a queen..........Treat me like a queen and off with your head
