Quotes by Joan Rivers

About Joan Rivers:

Joan Alexandra Molinsky was an American actress, comedian, writer, producer, and television host noted for her often controversial comedic persona—where she was alternately self-deprecating or sharply acerbic, especially toward celebrities and politicians.
A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

The thing is, I'm happiest when I'm on stage.

Joan Rivers

It's so long since I've had sex I've forgotten who ties up who.

Joan Rivers

I have flabby thighs, but fortunately my stomach covers them.

Joan Rivers

I succeeded by saying what everyone else is thinking.

Joan Rivers

A man can sleep around, no questions asked, but if a woman makes nineteen or twenty mistakes she's a tramp.

Joan Rivers

My husband wanted to be cremated. I told him I'd scatter his ashes at Neiman Marcus - that way, I'd visit him every day.

Joan Rivers

I was smart enough to go through any door that opened.

Joan Rivers

I have no methods; all I do is accept people as they are.

Joan Rivers

Boy George is all England needs - another queen who can't dress.

Joan Rivers

There is not one female comic who was beautiful as a little girl.

Joan Rivers

My obstetrician was so dumb that when I gave birth he forgot to cut the cord. For a year that kid followed me everywhere. It was like having a dog on a leash.

Joan Rivers

Our natures are a lot like oil, mix us with anything else, and we strive to swim on top.

Joan Rivers

Elizabeth Taylor has more chins than the Chinese telephone directory.

Joan Rivers

My routines come out of total unhappiness. My audiences are my group therapy.

Joan Rivers

I have a wonderful psychiatrist that I see maybe once a year, because I don't need it. It all comes out onstage.

Joan Rivers

I lived to be on stage, and I'm terrified. Terrified before every show.

Joan Rivers

I am furious about everything.

Joan Rivers

I always like a charity with people who don't speak English because I get them to do all kinds of things around my house.

Joan Rivers

All my friends are dying. That's why I always wear black.

Joan Rivers

I will only praise someone who can't take anything away from me.

Joan Rivers

I am for anyone that will give me lower taxes, stop all this stupid spending. Whoever promises me that gets this chicken's vote.

Joan Rivers

Author Bio

  • NameJoan Rivers
  • DescriptionAmerican stand-up comedienne
  • AliasesJoan Alexandra Molinsky
  • BornJune 8, 1933
  • DiedSeptember 4, 2014
  • CountryUnited States Of America
  • ProfessionComedian; Actor; Television Presenter; Film Director; Screenwriter; Writer
  • AwardsDaytime Emmy Award For Outstanding Talk Show Host; Star On Hollywood Walk Of Fame