Quotes by Joan Rivers

About Joan Rivers:

Joan Alexandra Molinsky was an American actress, comedian, writer, producer, and television host noted for her often controversial comedic persona—where she was alternately self-deprecating or sharply acerbic, especially toward celebrities and politicians.
A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

Don't follow any advice, no matter how good, until you feel as deeply in your spirit as you think in your mind that the counsel is wise.

Joan Rivers

I enjoy life when things are happening. I don't care if it's good things or bad things. That means you're alive.

Joan Rivers

Any comic is a very good actor. Look at Don Rickles. He is saying the same joke every night for 20 years and making it look like he just thought of it.

Joan Rivers

I walk on a stage, and I know if it's been a good show or not. You know when it's been a good interview. No one has to tell you. You know it. You feel it. You can feel the air. You can feel everything about it when it's a good show. And you know when...

Joan Rivers

I don't think there'd be a Tina Fey now if I hadn't tried to look good in the beginning.

Joan Rivers

I knew I was an unwanted baby when I saw that my bath toys were a toaster and a radio.

Joan Rivers

Never floss with a stranger.

Joan Rivers

If God wanted us to bend over he'd put diamonds on the floor.

Joan Rivers

Forty for you, sixty for me. And equal partners we will be.

Joan Rivers

I hate housework! You make the beds, you do the dishes and six months later you have to start all over again.

Joan Rivers

Part of my act is meant to shake you up. It looks like I'm being funny, but I'm reminding you of other things. Life is tough, darling. Life is hard. And we better laugh at everything; otherwise, we're going down the tube.

Joan Rivers

Life goes by fast. Enjoy it. Calm down. It's all funny. Next. Everyone gets so upset about the wrong things.

Joan Rivers

I think anyone who's perfectly happy isn't particularly funny.

Joan Rivers

Comedy is learning to be funny, and you learn to be funny in small rooms with young audiences.

Joan Rivers

Comediennes are the lucky ones, because if you're funny, you can be 125 years old and they will still accept you.

Joan Rivers

Prince Charles is so funny. So, so funny.

Joan Rivers

I have no line. If I think it's funny, it's funny.

Joan Rivers

Thank God we're living in a country where the sky's the limit, the stores are open late and you can shop in bed thanks to television.

Joan Rivers

Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, today is God's gift, that's why we call it the present.

Joan Rivers

I don't excercise. If God had wanted me to bend over, he would have put diamonds on the floor.

Joan Rivers

I'm Jewish. I don't work out. If God had wanted us to bend over, He would have put diamonds on the floor.

Joan Rivers

Author Bio

  • NameJoan Rivers
  • DescriptionAmerican stand-up comedienne
  • AliasesJoan Alexandra Molinsky
  • BornJune 8, 1933
  • DiedSeptember 4, 2014
  • CountryUnited States Of America
  • ProfessionComedian; Actor; Television Presenter; Film Director; Screenwriter; Writer
  • AwardsDaytime Emmy Award For Outstanding Talk Show Host; Star On Hollywood Walk Of Fame