Quotes by Jerry Seinfeld

About Jerry Seinfeld:

Jerome Allen is an American comedian, actor, writer, and producer. He is known for playing a semifictional version of himself in the sitcom Seinfeld (1989–1998), which he co-created and co-wrote with Larry David. For its final two seasons, they were also co-executive producers.
A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

I won't do something unless I can get at least two or three good laughs out of it. If I can't, it's not gonna make the team.

Jerry Seinfeld

The IRS! They're like the Mafia, they can take anything they want!

Jerry Seinfeld

A two-year-old is kind of like having a blender, but you don't have a top for it.

Jerry Seinfeld

I think it's funny to be delicate with subjects that are explosive.

Jerry Seinfeld

Funny is the world I live in. You're funny, I'm interested. You're not funny, I'm not interested.

Jerry Seinfeld

I don't need you to be funny. I don't want to be entertained.

Jerry Seinfeld

Being a stand-up is my mission in life; it's my passion. My ongoing goal is to simply be funny, on my own, in front of a roomful of strangers.

Jerry Seinfeld

Where lipstick is concerned, the important thing is not color, but to accept God's final word on where your lips end.

Jerry Seinfeld

To me, if life boils down to one thing, it's movement. To live is to keep moving.

Jerry Seinfeld

Pay attention, don't let life go by you. Fall in love with the back of your cereal box.

Jerry Seinfeld

As a comedian, I found this thing, this profession, that suits my mind and life force. To drop it to do something else? I just don't get that.

Jerry Seinfeld

I do a little thing about the way people shake the sweetener packet. You know, like they're all excited. I want to get all the granules down to one end. I love all these rituals.

Jerry Seinfeld

I kind of thought that stand-up comedy would suffer from the Internet because people seem to know more about the craft of stand-up than ever before. I thought it would seem trite. Kind of like if you know more about magicians, you wouldn't love them.

Jerry Seinfeld

It takes up enough of my time and interest just working on comedy. I just enjoy it and love doing it.

Jerry Seinfeld

A bookstore is one of the only pieces of evidence we have that people are still thinking.

Jerry Seinfeld

The Four Levels of Comedy: Make your friends laugh, Make strangers laugh, Get paid to make strangers laugh, and Make people talk like you because it's so much fun.

Jerry Seinfeld

Now they show you how detergents take out bloodstains, a pretty violent image there. I think if you've got a T-shirt with a bloodstain all over it, maybe laundry isn't your biggest problem. Maybe you should get rid of the body before you do the wash.

Jerry Seinfeld

I am so busy doing nothing... that the idea of doing anything - which as you know, always leads to something - cuts into the nothing and then forces me to have to drop everything.

Jerry Seinfeld

People who read the tabloids deserve to be lied to.

Jerry Seinfeld

Sometimes the road less traveled is less traveled for a reason.

Jerry Seinfeld

Make no mistake about why these babies are here - they are here to replace us.

Jerry Seinfeld

Author Bio

  • NameJerry Seinfeld
  • DescriptionAmerican comedian and actor
  • AliasesJerome Allen Seinfeld
  • BornApril 29, 1954
  • CountryUnited States Of America
  • ProfessionActor; Television Actor; Comedian; Film Producer; Voice Actor; Writer
  • AwardsPrimetime Emmy Award