Quotes by Jen Lancaster

About Jen Lancaster:

Jennifer ("Jen") Lancaster is an American author whose titles have appeared on the New York Times bestseller list. As of August 2015, she has twelve published books:
A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

When she gets rattled, the South really comes out. Once when Daddy tried to cancel our country club membership because he said the dues were too high, she went from zero to Atlanta burning in zero point five seconds.

Jen Lancaster

Owning a dog is slightly less expensive than being addicted to crack.

Jen Lancaster

You know what? We need a recession in this country, because that would finaly weed out al the subnormal, underdeveloped, stupefied, puerile people in this workforce.

Jen Lancaster

I don't care how happily married you are or how deeply enmeshed you are with your children and family and career -- every woman needs a couple of chicks who'll break out the sangria just because you need to vent.

Jen Lancaster

Maybe I've moved to the dark side, but it's clean and nice and we never run out of toilet paper.

Jen Lancaster

I want to change my life...except I sort of like it. I mean, I couldn't be more delighted every Monday night after Fletch goes to bed when I come downstairs, pull up the Bachelor on TiVo, drink Riesling, and eat cheddar/port wine Kaukauna cheese with...

Jen Lancaster

I stuff another handful of Raisinets in my mouth. What gets me is the 'pretty face' bit. 'Cause I won't mind being reminded I'm fat as long as you water it down first. Why not say, Hey I'm going to insult you, but first I will congratulate your fortu...

Jen Lancaster

I never sleep on the plane. I have to be awake and using my mind power to keep it in the air

Jen Lancaster

I'm a humor writer, so I don't always present myself in the best light.

Jen Lancaster

Amen,' I exclaim, accidentally spitting out a Raisinet. I pick up the chocolate with a Kleenex and stuff it in my purse. Ten bucks says a month from now I'll have forgotten about it and will finally have said heart attack when I assume a rat shat in ...

Jen Lancaster

You want to change? Lose the bitch. Be nicer to people. Stop telling them to "bite you" and threatening to kick them until they're dead.

Jen Lancaster

If you're anorexic, you're doing it wrong." I swat him with a dish towel. "No, no, I mean anorexics look in the mirror, and even if they're eighty pounds, they still see a fat girl. I'm a hundred pounds heavier than I was in high school, my veins are...

Jen Lancaster

I've always been able to cook Italian food. That's in my blood because I'm half Sicilian.

Jen Lancaster

I believe that I have such a vanilla life.

Jen Lancaster

In real life, I tend to yell at people a lot. Not because I'm bossy or mean, but because I'm frustrated.

Jen Lancaster

Writing is something that I've always loved. That stems from my love of being a reader.

Jen Lancaster

You can't all of a sudden go to sleep one night and wake up Martha Stewart. It's bit by bit by bit.

Jen Lancaster

Everyone who reads me is someone I'd like to hang out with.

Jen Lancaster

I'm such a fangirl when it comes to other writers. I read 250 books a year, and I'm always talking up books by other authors.

Jen Lancaster

I'm very detail oriented. I think that's why people enjoy my memoirs - because I tend to remember everything.

Jen Lancaster

Author Bio

  • NameJen Lancaster
  • DescriptionAmerican writer
  • BornNovember 5, 1967
  • CountryUnited States Of America