If my legs get blown off in war, I’d like to have them replaced with a coffee table. Half man/half furniture, I’ll be in the living room if you need me.
I make love like I make coffee. Tuesdays and Thursdays I offer free refills.
Drinking coffee is like drinking an inverse yawn. I prefer mine with two spoonfuls of “I’m listening.
We made love, we drank coffee, and then we went our separate ways. I went west, and she went to hell. Or at least I hope she did.
I drank the coffee because I was tired. I also drank the coffee because I was dominant, and it was passive and put up no fight.
Love is a lot like coffee, I once thought as I suckled on a milky nipple. But I was one at the time, so what did I know about coffee?
I always wear an oven mitt when I go in for a handshake, because I like to give visual hints about what kind of lover I’d make. I don’t use a cup to drink coffee—I use a flowerpot.
We drank coffee like two lovers, despite the fact that we were strangers separated by a window and about two hundred feet. Thank God for binoculars.
Decaffeinated coffee is like orgasmless sex. I guess I’ll take some, if you know anyone who’s offering.
When I heard footsteps and saw nobody, I knew I was seeing a ghost. Seeing the invisible is like dreaming about drinking coffee to wake up, and that’s why I’ve never made love in the backseat of a car. I’ve only ever had sex in the trunk, while...
I couldn’t throw a basketball through a hula-hoop, but I could drink coffee through a fishing net. But why do that when I’d rather fish with a thermos?
I need my tropical square boots, and a fish that when it swims looks like my squiggly signature. Also, I could go for a cup of coffee.
Make time to make love. Then, after you’ve finished making love, make some coffee while I just lie in bed and quiver.
I’ll bet Ryan Lilly drinks coffee like a flower—a lily. I drink coffee more like two roses and a nose walk into a bar. I would tell you what the bartender said, but to be honest, the bar was pretty noisy and I didn’t hear what he said.
I poured a compass into my coffee, to give the flavor some direction.
I drink sleep, but not like I drink coffee. I chug one and sip the other.
I stood under the umbrella for hours before I folded it up and started walking. Umbrellas can block the sun, shield the rain, and if you flip an open one over, it can also be used as a large coffee cup.
The smell of coffee was enough to wake up my neighbors. In a display of gratitude, they complained about my music being too loud.
I drink coffee like a civilized man—alone in a cave, wearing a loincloth, and grunting in frustration because my club is too thick to fit in my cup to stir in the sugar.
A unicorn breathes rainbows like a dragon breathes fire. My coffee breathes Jarod Kintz quotes.
Business idea: People like to eat and drive, so why not make edible cars? Instead of gasoline, they’d run on coffee.
