Coffee excites my mind in ways not describable my words. The closest approximation is a sperm whale in orgasm, only silent and bubblier.
I soak my white socks in coffee, so I can wear them with brown pants and keep my feet from falling asleep.
Coffee is the only brown liquid I’d drink out of a toilet. Well, almost the only one, as I’d drink number two for the number one in my life.
Like Blue Ribbon Coffee, my love is in second place. But that’s OK, because like Blue Ribbon Coffee, I have winning taste.
I drink coffee with a spoon, and I eat soup with a straw. The clang of metal on an empty mug wakes me up to the moment and reminds me to love.
I invented scissors with wheels, so I could cut to the chase. Next time we make love it will be the first time, and I’ll bring a sock soaked in coffee.
My alarm went off. My sleep went on. Dreaming about coffee is not the same as drinking down coffee.
I want to start a band called the Band-Aids. Free coffee for all who come to our show. We’d perform for the deaf and the asleep.
I use my windshield wipers when it’s not raining. I’m an umbrellaless pedestrian, and I can’t tell the difference between Starbucks’ coffee and a mud puddle in a cup.
Her name was Ashley, but I called her Ash, because she looked like the burnt remains of a cigarette. But she smelled like coffee, and I thirsted for her affection.
Coffee is for lovers. So if you don’t drink coffee, you must be asexual, and I’d love to study your mating ritual.
I’m 50% in love. To put that into a visual, I am a 3’ tall midget aspiring to be a 6’ tall man, with the coffee capacity of a narcoleptic camel.
I yell at yellow like I purr at pink. If they were more fluid, I’d pour meows in my morning coffee.
There’s nothing I like more than rewards. Well, other than awards. I also love coffee a lot too. Being rewarded with a coffee award would be the ultimate euphoria for me.
I folded my map in half and used it to make a sandwich. Then I dipped it in coffee and ate all of Europe and half of Russia.
I’ve got two jobs to do. One of those jobs is to not cry. It’s not a job, but it is in its isn’tness. I could go for either a cup of coffee, or an empty cup full of sleep.
She drowned in a coffee cup the size of a swimming pool. It really helped wake me up to my own mortality.
His last name is either Groves or Graves or whatever the hell I wrote, trees or cemetery. We drank coffee like two people who should have been three.
I am Ebenezer Snooze, and I am frugal with my sleep. I buy warm coffee cold, so I can get a discount.
I prefer to urinate standing on my feet, rather than doing a handstand. You should see me enjoy a cup of coffee.
I make love like uh huh. Huh? Uh huh. I also make coffee, though you have to pay for that.
