The closer I get, the faster I have to go. Otherwise, I might be late to the very place where I’m not even expected. Adding to my tardiness is the fact that I don’t even know where I’m going. And I can’t get from here to there when I don’t ...
The best thing to do with a seven-year-old is wait until they’re eight to tell them to wait until they’re 18 to start living life.
I want my last 50 years on this earth to be amazing. Of course, I still want to have 150 years before those last 50 years begin.
I left my youth behind me. It peddled the bicycle while I rode on the handlebars.
Question for your life: If Ted Kennedy made it to heaven, do you think he’s pleased with the fact that Jesus can turn water into wine?
What’s blacker than black? Does summer shade have a shadow? Is that how loneliness looks and where it lurks?
Opportunity seldom rises with blood pressure.
Question for your life: If love existed an octave above where your vocal range ended, would you buy a dog whistle to get my attention?
Question for your life: If your face looked like your ass, and I’m not implying it doesn’t, would you consider invading Russia in the middle of winter wearing only shorts?
I have two problems with hard labor: hard and labor. I prefer soft, and I’d prefer not giving birth.
If death is the end of life, what is birth the end of?
The book “Little Women,” what, is that about midgets? I freaking love midgets.
Wisdom equals knowledge plus courage. You have to not only know what to do and when to do it, but you have to also be brave enough to follow through.
I went on a road trip with my cat, Cap’n. I would have let him drive, but he was drunk.
Cats are always there when you need them, asleep, telling you with their body language that they don’t need you.
If I see a homeless person begging for change, I might give them money, if they’ve got change for a nickel.
Question for your life: If you could change War’s name, do you think you’d change its nature?
The way I wrestle five-year-olds makes me think if I were ever attacked by a pack of midgets, I’d be OK.
I’m such an alcoholic that I go to church just for communion.
I wouldn’t advise making a four-year commitment to eventually land an $8.00/hour job. Skip college. Read Wikipedia for free instead.
It’s a dog-eat-dog world, and I’m just a kitten.
