Quotes by Jarod Kintz

A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

A brick could be used as food for thought. Every politician should chew on that.


Jarod Kintz

A brick could deliver the zeitgeist through the thick skull of a politician faster than any letter or email.


Jarod Kintz

A brick could be used to foretell the future. And from all indicators, 2013’s going to be a blanket of a year.


Jarod Kintz

A brick is a baton, as it passes from a civilization in ruin to one on the rise. 


Jarod Kintz

Bricks could be used to line the pockets of the politicians, the way the people’s money once was, as we drop them off to search for Atlantis.


Jarod Kintz

When anybody honks at me in traffic, I blush, wave, and shout, “Thanks for being a fan.” Being a celebrity is a 24/7 thing.

Jarod Kintz

My brother was a great swimmer. He was as fast as a shark. Well, almost. It beat him by a half a leg's length, right below the knee.

Jarod Kintz

I’ve got a piece of the American Dream. I don’t have a house, but I do have a new chandelier. Now I just have to build a house around it.

Jarod Kintz

I like farm salmon. I like the idea of fish growing on trees.

Jarod Kintz

I just recently figured out how mirrors work. Pretty cool. That guy always hungrily staring at my naked body was me!

Jarod Kintz

I am nine fifteen feet tall. I mean nine fifteen time tall. I measure height with my watch.

Jarod Kintz

I got a new car. I just need to put it together. They’re easier to steal piece by piece.

Jarod Kintz

His name is Randy Randy. Or maybe it’s Randy Randy. I always get his first and last names mixed up.

Jarod Kintz

I want to hire someone to stand outside my door and knock three times, with each knock being three years apart. At the end of the nine years I’ll reply, “Who is it?” And without delay or reply, the person on the other side of the door is to fin...

Jarod Kintz

I like using scented markers. Especially when I’m trying to color the inside of my nostrils.

Jarod Kintz

The first thing she told me after I hit on her was that she had a boyfriend of nine months, and I thought, what kind of sick bitch dates infants?

Jarod Kintz

I’ll be 30 in March, and it feels just like yesterday that I thought tomorrow will soon be today.

Jarod Kintz

With anal sex, I suggest you start gently. Find a slender midget. Or a member of Congress.

Jarod Kintz

I am not adventurous, though I can manage to look at and enjoy sunsets. However, sunrises scare me.

Jarod Kintz

On your birthday you should throw me a party. This is my advice for everybody, especially my clones.

Jarod Kintz

It’s a comforting thought knowing that no matter how old I get, I can always get older.

Jarod Kintz