Quotes by Jarod Kintz

A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

A brick could be used to silence your critics. Well, unless all your critics are mutes. 

Jarod Kintz

A brick could be used to keep your sandwich pressed down, so your meat doesn't spill out. 

Jarod Kintz

A brick and a blanket could be used to show creativity, by making them the subjects of a divergence test. Oh wait, that’s what this is. Nevermind. 

Jarod Kintz

If you bring the blanket, I’ll bring the warmth. 

Jarod Kintz

A brick could be dropped at the feet of your enemy, as a gift, as an insult, as a way of saying “I’ll tear down the wall between us—and tear down the walls of your life.” Then you might try offering him a cheese sandwich. 

Jarod Kintz

A brick could be used to enhance your social status. Just affix it to the hood of your car, like a Mercedes ornament. 

Jarod Kintz

A brick could be used in a manner most secret. But Shh! I can't tell you. What part about secret don't you understand? 

Jarod Kintz

A brick could be used to block out the pain, if you use it to first inflict pain and carry it through to coma.  

Jarod Kintz

A brick could be used to make the world safer for our children. Well, not our children, as I don't actually have any kids—but certainly your children. Skeptical? A brick could better protect your children than all the Federal government agencies co...

Jarod Kintz

A brick could be used to help America make money. Trust me, this is smarter than letting a central bank like the Federal Reserve make all the money. 

Jarod Kintz

A brick could be used to make music. But why not use something more humane, like your armpit. 

Jarod Kintz

A brick is a fraction of a building, and a brick is like a building—if you're like an ant. 

Jarod Kintz

A blanket could be used as a bathtub tarp, keeping all the body’s heat in, and the police’s and murder victim’s wife’s eyes out. 

Jarod Kintz

A brick could be used like the point where always meets never. I mean come on, who wouldn’t want to watch a brick levitate?  

Jarod Kintz

A brick could be used as a Sexual Orientation Device. But I don’t need it, because I know my sexual orientation—north! 

Jarod Kintz

My white duvet is like an avalanche of blanket. 

Jarod Kintz

A brick could be used to tell time. And just between you and me, I hope that brick tells time to go to hell. 

Jarod Kintz

A blanket provides warmth. So does the joy a good joke brings. 

Jarod Kintz

A brick could be used to raise your status as an upstanding citizen. Don’t get too excited, though. It’ll only raise you up about three inches. 

Jarod Kintz

A brick could be used like a fleeglebeegle, which in turn could be used like a zoopkatofka, which itself could be used like a Wexlybexter Device (the one with the hand crank, not the one with the foot peddles). Gosh, I hope I clarified at least one t...

Jarod Kintz

A brick could be used as a Blushometer. To find out how embarrassed you are, just measure you blushing cheeks against the rouge of a brick.  

Jarod Kintz