Quotes by Jarod Kintz

A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

A brick could be used to represent no, and a blanket could be used to represent yes. If I ask you, “Will you sleep with me?” I expect you to run to the bedroom, get naked, and get under the blanket. Whatever you do, do not reach for the brick.


Jarod Kintz

A brick could be used as a cock block. 


Jarod Kintz

A blanket could be used to make you laugh, and a joke could be used to keep you warm inside.


Jarod Kintz

A brick could be used to bestow gratitude upon your favorite (or least favorite) politician. Let them know your approval level by giving them the gift that says both Thank You—and Fuck You.


Jarod Kintz

A blanket could be used to suffocate our secret desires. And what do I secretly desire? I desire suffocation, and that is why I must suffocate my desire. 


Jarod Kintz

A brick could be renamed something clever and cute, like President, and repackaged and resold to a solid base of sheep consumers every four years. The sheeple will never even notice that every new model of brick is exactly like the last brick!


Jarod Kintz

A brick could be used as a trophy, and when you get yours, believe me, you’ll have earned it.


Jarod Kintz

A brick could be used to locate the precise coordinates of the Masons. Just follow the bricks—and follow the money. 


Jarod Kintz

A brick could be used to dispel the very same lies that a blanket could be used to cover up. 


Jarod Kintz

Teamwork is me helping you build a brick wall that will come between us and forever divide us. Division through unity.


Jarod Kintz

A brick could be used for bric-a-brac. If you bring the brick, I’ll bring the brac.


Jarod Kintz

A brick could be used to double back, donkey levitate cough meow cough meow hiss on giraffe shaft stroke a local bloke bludgeon Armageddon—not my arm, Sorry, I think I just had a stroke.


Jarod Kintz

A brick could be used as a hammer, which frees up the hammer to be used as a sex toy. The only question is, Which end will you insert? If you’re a politician, I’d recommend the one with the hooks.


Jarod Kintz

To fly is to swim in the air, and a brick could be used as an as example to highlight man’s failure to fishbird.


Jarod Kintz

Bricks could be used to fill Fort Knox. I know, I know. You’re probably thinking, if we fill Fort Knox with bricks, where will we keep all the gold that’s kept there? I still need to get precise measurements, and move all my clothes, but I think ...

Jarod Kintz

A blanket could be used to stop a war, particularly if that war is a Cold War. 


Jarod Kintz

A brick could be used as a PRA, or Person Replacement Apparatus. Just give the brick a name, start talking to it, and before you know it you've got a friend for life. Say, do you want to brick swap? 


Jarod Kintz

A brick could be used to satisfy your hunger—and satisfy my curiosity.


Jarod Kintz

I’m the kind of guy who turns my fan on in winter, only to then go and add another blanket on top of my bed. I practice inefficiency even while I sleep, so I’ll be prepared to one day be a politician.

Jarod Kintz

A brick could be used to enhance your sex life. So what are you waiting for? Get that gerbil out of your pants


Jarod Kintz

A brick could be used to say hi to Pink Floyd.


Jarod Kintz