Poison Ivy tastes like an itch when you have it on your tongue, and I’d say that love tastes the same, only itchier.
I am possibly the world's greatest magician, because I don't just vanish off stage, I vanish from your memory. I'll bet you're probably thinking, "I don't remember seeing you," or "I've never seen you." And that just goes to show you how good I am.
Music can elevate man to new heights. Especially elevator music.
The only reason I don’t know more about love is because there just isn’t more to know. In fact, I’ve reduced love to a mathematical formula: Hdgk(X)=H2k(X,Q)∩Hk,k(X). Actually, that’s not right. That’s the statement piece of the Hodge con...
When I say something, I mean what I say, despite what a dictionary says I mean. Meanings of words are slaves that I put to work constructing my pyramids of thought.
What’s on my mind? I could say you, but we both know I'd be lying. Actually, I'm only pretending that you aren't on my mind. But I know that you don't mind.
I like making money. I make it out of wood. I make nickels mostly.
The only other man I’d let see my wife’s naked body is the butcher.
I like great music, but who doesn’t? Oh yeah, deaf people.
On our first date, you should wear a maternity dress, because I’m going to try to impregnate you.
I'd like to see a flag made not out of stars and stripes, but rather fingers and knuckles, so that it could really wave in the wind. It would be the most welcoming flag in all the world.
America’s been ruined by one word: Bankers. No, two words: Bankers and lawyers. Make that three words. Add politicians to that list. Oh, and don’t forget the lobbyists.
Some women will spread a lie faster and wider than they’d spread their legs. These women are worse than whores. These women are politicians.
Just because you don’t have an arrest record doesn’t mean you’re not a criminal. As proof, note some of the cleanest rap sheets in America belong to politicians.
Republicans don’t stand for the beliefs of the right, and Democrats don’t stand for the principles of the left. They each stand for one thing—a public willing to remain seated like obedient children, while they wield authoritative control like ...
In politics, I don’t know which came first, the rubber chicken policies, or the eggheadedness.
The president spends most of his time playing golf and vacationing. But the times he’s away from the office are the times he’s most valuable to our country.
People complain the president does nothing. I say stop complaining! Think how destructive he’d be if he actually tried to do something.
Guns don’t kill people. Politicians with sharp tongues do.
The only problem with politicians taking two week vacations every year is it’s about 50 weeks too short.
I trust politicians to do what’s right. For themselves.
