A brick could be used as a substitute for the brother I never had. It seems ridiculous, but I’ve always wanted a brother who was smarter than the average politician.
A blanket could be used to show people the benefits of sleeping with a parachute—especially if you’ve got a flying bed like I do.
A brick could be exchanged for a bar of gold. But be sure you wait until the owner of the gold isn’t looking before you make the switch.
A brick could be tied to a cape, and then exalted as a superhero. Is that any more absurd than Superman?
A brick could be used to foretell the future. But I’m the only one alive who knows how to make it work, and my occult knowledge can be rented out to you for $9.99 per minute. Call now, as supplies are limited. (Technically there’s only one future...
A blanket could be used to cover up your infidelity. Either use the blanket to hide your cheating ways, or figure out how to fornicate with all your clothes on.
A brick could be used to soften resistance. Smash the opposition into a pulp!
I lay warm in bed like a melted marshmallow in a graham cracker. I really wish my blanket wasn’t so rigid and crumbly.
A blanket could be used to trick a bull into charging at you. After you trick the bull, trick a bear next, and then by that time all the investors will be playing your game, not even knowing that you are the Blanket Master that controls the world.
A brick could be used to keep a level head. I don’t mean remaining rational, I mean literally, keep your head still and balanced and don’t let the brick fall off. Actually, keeping the brick stable on your head might keep you emotionally stable, ...
A brick could be used as a device to deliver bad news. Sometimes it's better to be blunt.
A blanket is a shield, blocking out the breeze, and an insulator, keeping in body heat.
A brick could be used to enslave humanity. No wait, a brick can’t do that—but the Masons can.
Bricks could be used to pad the pockets of crooked politicians. Why stuff their greedy pockets with cash, when we could load them up with bricks and find out how good of swimmers they are?
A brick is like fruitcake. You don’t want to use it up all at once, and in fact, you don’t want to use it up at all. Well, if you won’t use it, then give it to someone who will. Every other Christmas I get the gift of fruitcake—and I think it...
A blanket could be used to create another way. There is no other way but to make another way. We simply must!
A brick could be used to help you keep your job. Just hold it down, man.
A brick could be used as an identifier, for all those people with no real identities. I’m talking about clones, because just like bricks, each clone is exactly like the next.
A brick could be used to crush grapes. If that sounds unnecessarily cruel, then I guess you wouldn’t like to pour you a glass of wine. It’s a shame, because I made it myself.
A brick could be used as a way to motivate yourself to succeed. I’m proof that it works. It’s how I managed to get second to last in my last race.
A brick could be used as a deodorant deterrent. Just ask any stinky Congressman.
