Quotes by Jarod Kintz

A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

A blanket could be wrapped around people who’ve recently been electrocuted, because I’ll bet it’s really warm under those covers. I’ve always wanted to roast marshmallows in my sleep. 

Jarod Kintz

A blanket could be used to line the walls of the Love Chamber, to soundproof it so that nobody hears you scream. 

Jarod Kintz

A blanket could be used like Lenny McDenny says hello. He never says hi, because he only says goodbye. He’s always leaving and never arriving. I’m like that too, except I’m always arriving and never leaving. I also eat all the food in your frid...

Jarod Kintz

A blanket could be used to smother a fire—but not the fire that burns in my heart for you. Or perhaps that’s merely heartburn, and you’re just as common as a brick. 

Jarod Kintz

Bricks could be used to replace stop signs. Some people won’t stop at stop signs, but everybody will stop for a brick wall. 

Jarod Kintz

A brick and a blanket walk into a bar. And I don’t drink, so I wasn’t around to hear the interaction between them and the bartender. 

Jarod Kintz

A brick could be used instead of a red light. They’re both red, and I’d run both with equal fervor. 

Jarod Kintz

A brick could be used to back the dollar. Hey, it’s better than the dollar being backed by nothing, right? 

Jarod Kintz

I love this book like I love a brick and a blanket, which could be used to teach people the value of safe sex. Remember, if you’re going to have safe sex, try not to get locked inside the safe without anybody on the outside knowing the combination....

Jarod Kintz

A blanket could be used to spread the love around. Tuck it in at the edges, so nobody can hog all the amor. 

Jarod Kintz

A blanket could be used to eradicate the radical element that’s so pervasive and perverse in our society today. I’m talking about people sleeping in the nude, with nothing to cover their shame. 

Jarod Kintz

A blanket could be used to study the stars more thoroughly. I don’t know how exactly, because I’m not Stephen Hawking. Somebody get me a wheelchair. 

Jarod Kintz

A blanket could be used to keep me from exploding. My patience is wearing thin, and my clothes are also wearing thin, and in some spots you can see through the material, so a blanket would hold all that back. 

Jarod Kintz

Love is like building a wall with two bricks and a ton of wind. Obviously you and your lover are bricks. 

Jarod Kintz

A brick could be used as a spoon—to eat, not cuddle. OK fine, you can use it to cuddle too. 

Jarod Kintz

A blanket could be used to cover up the bald spot all over my chest. That’s why I get so cold at night. 

Jarod Kintz

A blanket could be used to travel to exotic places. Just close your eyes and see for yourself. 

Jarod Kintz

A brick could be used as a child’s game to improve memory. I forgot how exactly, but then I never played much.  

Jarod Kintz

A blanket could be used to wrap up all the love I have to offer you, so it’ll be easier for you to carry it across the desert. You’d better get walking, because me and my camel won’t be stopping until we have to pee. 

Jarod Kintz

Bricks could be used like trophies. And if we give them to everyone, just for participating, then collectively we could build a big House of Emptiness. 

Jarod Kintz

A brick could be used to help you maintain a balanced diet, by keeping your head perfectly still with the brick steady on your skull while you eat. 

Jarod Kintz