I need a bone saw—for the meatloaf I made for you, which looks suspiciously like a brick. The gravy is a blanket.
A blanket could be used to fly interdimensionally. My penis is a wormhole.
A blanket could be used to keep me single. Not that I need any help from anybody or anything to stay single. Actually, to stay single, I need the full cooperation of the entire female population, which is kind of impressive, because in conclusively a...
Cats are living, breathing blankets. But a blanket, no matter how furry, cannot be used like a purrless cat.
A flag could be used as a blanket, but a blanket couldn’t be used as a flag. A blanket provides real warmth, not the pseudo warmth that patriotism provides. A blanket-flag would leave you shivering—not from cold, but from cowardice.
My hand acts as a blanket for my genitals.
A blanket could be used as a parachute, for jumping out of dreams.
I don’t need a blanket. I need your naked body on top of me.
A blanket could be shared with someone cold. And if you’re sharing your blanket, they might as well share the blame in getting pregnant. It’s not like they can blame me, because I was in the closet, filming.
A blanket could be used to express my feelings towards her. You see, I’m not tired—but I am tired of her.
Sleep with family is a napkin (nap plus kin), and I used a napkin as a blanket.
A blanket could be used to battle the cold, but not battle an army with swords, bayonets, and other sharp objects (unless the opposing army is armed only with sharp words).
A blanket could be used to say hello to a friend I haven’t spoken to in forever. Forever is a long time, like an eternity, only it feels like just yesterday I started ignoring this friend and acting like he never existed.
A blanket could be used to draw a map on—a treasure map, and not something Google has knowledge of. Want to know what’s under the X? My erection.
A blanket could be used to reduce the weight of love, by exactly one person. It’s a cold world out there.
A blanket could be used to say I’m sorry without using words, gestures, body language, facial expressions, or telepathy. I’ve always thought it was better to show than tell anyway, so I hope you can forgive me.
A blanket could be used to mimic the mating call of my crumpled-up clone. Isn’t silence seductive?
A brick could be used as a blanket, if you’re a roach or politician. Warmth can be so crushing at times.
A blanket could be used as a distraction. Wave it to the right, while you loot to the left.
A blanket could be used to keep an iceberg warm. People are so selfish and want to stop global warming. Well, if you were a snowman, and were cold all the time, wouldn’t you welcome a little summer into your winter?
A brick could be used as an AFD, or Atmospheric Floating Device, whose sole function is to make people ask WTF?
