Instead of breaking people down, try building them up. Every person is a brick, and if you are a successful builder, you’ll have a formidable wall, and few people willing to oppose you.
She had two blueberries for eyes, and hair the color of strawberries. Too bad our love never made it past the kitchen and into the bedroom (or garage).
We didn’t know each other, but that didn’t stop me from ignoring him.
I’m into older women, because all women are older women. Every second the woman you love is an older woman.
I just started seeing someone, which is a relief, because the last girl I dated was invisible.
My reputation precedes me. It shows up about fifteen minutes before I do, eats, and then leaves without paying or tipping.
You should shoot. I should shoo.
I can run 50 yards faster than I can mow them.
I have a secret knock. It’s so secret that I never use it, lest you hear my knuckles knocking and try to reproduce a knock off to sell on the black market.
In my closet I have boxes and boxes of secrets. These boxes are all empty, and that’s how you know they’re filled with secrets.
Teamwork: I love the idea of all for one—especially if that one is me.
I’m like Casanova meets Henry Ford. My reproduction methods are more like production methods one might see in a factory, complete with conveyer belts, mechanical assistance, and cheap labor.
I know it’s not your birthday, but would you like some birthday dick? It’s on sale today.
I sleep on the coasts of my bed, but I make love in the Midwest.
Too bad my car key won’t start my house. And to answer your unasked question, no you can’t use my toaster like a dual vagina. At least not for the two-for-one price. That price only applies on Tuesdays.
The silence sounded like a fire alarm in my ears.
Signs offer a way to speak, yet keep the room perfectly silent.
The Bible says man has sin nature, but do clones have sin nature?
I don’t sleep naked, because that’s not proper beach etiquette.
I put the “sing” in single. But only when I’m in the shower.
There were yogurt-colored clouds that afternoon, and I was there, blotting out your sun with a spoon.
