Tomorrow I’ll be 24 hours longer than I am today. My love for you grows every minute, and pretty soon it will be 120 seconds tall.
Anything disguised as anything is chameleon. A ghost disguised as an unobservable and invisible object is a great example. Still, that’s easier to see than the love my ex wife had for me.
I like make-up sex. My imagination is so much more powerful than reality that it’s just better when I make it up.
Everyone’s different, and in that way everyone’s the same. Stand out by sitting down. Try my love seat—it’s made for two people, so you can be comfortably obese.
Losing your mind is preferable to losing your woman, because if you lose your woman you will also lose your mind, and then you’re left with nothing.
The three rules of journalism are 1. Mislead, 2. Misinform, and 3. Misdirect. The news serves to sever you from reality and keep you in Fantasy Land.
You know how mainstream news is interspersed with product ads? Well, why aren’t all the shows made entirely out of the stuff? I find commercials more believable, and I’d be more inclined to watch.
I roll out of bed in the morning like a man in a wheelchair. Life is a journey, and walking is so inefficient.
I want a moon canoe, because have you ever tried paddling through dirt? Love is a journey, and I try to travel as efficiently as I can.
The width of the with is not as wide as the without, but the path is a more enjoyable walk, because you are not walking alone.
Is it easier to get you to do what I want with a fist to your face, or a gentle pat on the back and a handshake? Let this be a lesson in power.
The word very will vary in muchiness. I love you very much, and that won’t vary from day to day.
I’ll write the first sentence in English and the second sentence will be nonsense translated to Russian, to make the ultimate non sequitur.
If I had no clothes it’d be winter. If I were naked, it’d be the truth and we could lie together.
My life story is 75% true. But which quarter is a lie? Better check my pants pockets—the one the politician’s wearing.
Love now, not later. Also, love later.
I got a zero. That’s like a perfect ten—it’s only one away from being flawless. Remember this next time you think you have nothing.
The spotlight hides blemishes, and shadows hide from the brightness. When love shines down on you, you’ll be glad you purchased your Albino Survival Kit, available for sale starting at $99.99.
The harmonica has musical wind, and is the breath of soul. It’s like a sad, lonely I love you lost in the breeze.
I make things with my hands. Hands are made to make things, and hands are made to hold. With my hand I hold my other hand when I get lonely.
A tie is a two-way loss, not a double win. Only a loser feels like a winner by being the equal of his opponent.
