I was gardening when I saw this snail/slug thing disguised as a leaf. Ah, isn't fall a wonderful time to slowly fall in love?
My late summer shorts caught fire, and that’s when all the red of autumn began. We fell in love while she roasted marshmallows over my toasty genitals.
0 plus 100 equals 100. But so does 50 plus 50, only with more balance. Let this be a lesson in love.
When her boyfriend broke his leg, I knew it was my chance to ask her to dance. So I put down my baseball bat and approached her like Babe Ruth.
Love flows like flowers, and grows like water. I’m so thirsty for romance I could drink a dozen roses.
She had eyes like sunsets, and every time she blinked it felt like the end of the world, otherwise known as night.
If you think the human body is beautiful, you haven't met my uncle Melvin. His cam session starts at 6:00 if you wanna see.
She’s young and beautiful, which is twice as good as old and ugly. Some people are both, and some people are both.
Our love went from fly to flower to butterfly, and it was meant to beautifully flutter, not sit still on a shelf like a trophy to be collected.
The curve of her smile, the curve of the small of her back, the curve of her laugh, everything about her makes me want to be more well-rounded.
I got a boob job on my butt, and be honest here, does this bra make my ass look fat?
My brain is divided into two butterflies, and both are in love with your rose-shaped heart. If you've got the garden, I've got my whole life.
I believe I am a witness to the Invisible Man, because I saw nothing. I’m just as reliable—and unreliable—as Helen Keller.
I was born in 1982. That’s like 1984, except not so dystopian.
I was born in 1982. That’s like 1984, only I don’t have a Big Brother.
I called his broken promise heartbreaking, and he called it growing up. Oh, that’s mature—blame it on maturity.
If I have succeeded, it is because I have failed. And if I have failed, it’s because of my father. It’s all my dad’s goddamned fault.
I count as blessings things I could have benefited from, even if I neglected to utilize them. A gift is still a gift, even if left wrapped and unopened.
I wear gloves, because I don’t want to tease people with my naked body. I’ve got to leave something to the imagination.
Most scars are invisible. Damn transparent knives. Does anything cut deeper than love? I need to get some new body armor.
I buried the lasagna, because it was better than disposing of a dead body. I’ve been burned in a relationship, but never in an oven. I’ll try harder.
