A brick could be used to separate two types of people. On the left is a guy who loves my writing, and on the right is a girl who loves my writing. Now I love both people, but I love the girl in an entirely different way—the kind of way that involve...
A brick could be used as a pettable non-furry and non-meowing cat.
A brick could be used to sell a blanket, in a buy one get one free situation. It doesn’t matter if it’s rubble, if it’s free people want it.
A brick could be placed on your child’s cafeteria lunch tray, in place of the less appetizing and more unnatural food they normally serve.
A brick could be used to crush the dreams of the little guy. Especially if that little guy’s dreams are roach like and scurrying across the kitchen floor.
A blanket could be used to announce your intention to announce your intentions. Make sure the blanket is neon orange though, or you might not get the attention you deserve.
A brick could be used to make yourself taller. It’s like self-esteem, only easier to use in the construction of a house.
A blanket could be used to stop abuse. Don’t cover up the atrocity—cover up your head, because what you don’t see, may as well not exist.
A blanket could be used for selfish reasons. I would list those reasons, but they’re mine—all of them. Mine, mine, mine, mine, mine.
A brick could be used as a trophy at your company’s annual award ceremony. It’s a way to save money while making pride and applause at the same time.
A blanket could be used to feed the homeless. I mean warm the coldless. I mean coldsome. I wouldn’t know, because I’m homefull.
A brick could be used to better improve relations with your relatives. But if you’re going to play quarterback, you’d better be ready to play receiver.
A brick could be used to remind you. I would remind you of what you need to be reminded about, but that’s not my role—that’s the brick’s place.
A brick could be used to sway the voters. But if you really want to sway them, try using a catchy song.
A blanket could be used to say hello to all the goodbyes I was too blind to hear. I’m hungry for a bowl full of mute, but my favorite restaurant is out of the Helen Keller Special. When they are out it, it means they are fully stocked.
A brick could be used to wade into dangerous territory with a man named Wade who builds houses made only of wood. But if you’re going to play with fire, I suggest you wear a blanket made out of oven mitts.
A blanket could be used to what the hell your way out of your neighbor’s bedroom.
I am the Magic Chicken of Desire. Just add water. And a brick and a blanket.
A brick could be used to dink like a dunk, if the thunk of the think has enough verticalocity to it.
A blanket could be used to cover the engine of a car, much like a hood does, only the blanket would help the car fall asleep when it was spending its idle time idling.
A brick could help get your unruly hair under control, by getting at the root of the problem—your skull. Increase force as necessary.
