I need more frugality. I wonder where I can buy some.
A gumble bee is half gum ball, half bumble bee, and it’s so chewy it stings. Makes me want to be a better lover and tractor salesman.
Using my nipples as bait, I went fishing for compliments. I got a few bites, but nothing to write about in Field & Stream.
My feet are dense with dance. I move like I’m wearing concrete boots and I’m trying to tread water. If the music is salsa, I may start gargling.
If I waste all my charity, all I’ll wind up with in the end is the wind. Still, I think I want to be the Dandelion of Love.
Her and I, we have a two chairs and a table kind of love. You should pull up a feeling and have a seat.
I have the lips of a lisp, and I kiss like kith. It sounds silly, but it feels more romantic.
I smell like cat snuggles and sex, though from two different activities. I have just perfected my meatloaf-flavored ice cream, if you want to grab a spork.
Half man, half tree, I have patience—and leaves. Forest fires make me sweat. Let’s go for a walk. You’ll have to push me in a wheelbarrow.
To be the best, you have to do what nobody does. And nobody does nothing great anymore, which is why I’ll be great by doing nothing great.
I once saw two rocks having sex, and I just shook my head because how stupid are those rocks? Don’t they know life only comes from life? Still, I voted for the rock on the left, because we live in a political country where you are free to choose—...
A vagina is not like a car door, no matter how hard you slam it. That’s why I prefer to drive Jeeps.
Instead of rolling out the red carpet, what about a cherry Fruit Roll-Up? Sometimes celebrity is a path you have to eat in retreat.
She said she’s so happy she could fly. I said, I’m glad you find those mechanical bird wings I made out of political rhetoric uplifting.
I’m always sad to leave Jax. So many magical moments here. Like the time I saw a rainbow give birth to a pot of gold, guarded by a dwarf in green.
As my grandpa probably said, “The man who has pajamas knitted to match those of his cat, must be a superior lover.” My grandpa died a virgin.
If swimming in gold were a sport, I’d be the Michael Phelps, and my winning would lead to more winning, as my gold made more gold.
I’m an extreme athlete. I’m into cuddling. I wonder if Red Bull would sponsor me.
I bought a faucet, but water wasn’t included. That’s like when you buy my love—it’s dirty and used, but soap isn’t included.
I am the robot in the machine. I eat wires and circuits and I was raised by a single motherboard. I also enjoy my hamburgers with ketchup, mayonnaise, and #FFFF00 mustard.
Grandpa often tells me I dance like my legs are engulfed in flames. I just go out there and put the fire of desire in women’s hearts.
