Quotes by Jarod Kintz

A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

I wouldn’t mind politicians lying to me, stealing from me, or senselessly making life difficult if they didn’t try to claim they were looking out for my best interest. How refreshing it’d be to see a politician honest enough to admit he’s dis...

Jarod Kintz

The morning always has a way of creeping up on me and peeking in my bedroom windows. The sunrise is such a pervert.

Jarod Kintz

People always ask me if I’m into sports, and I say, “Well, isn’t writing a sport? If you’re doing it right, and you have a deadline, you should be sweating.

Jarod Kintz

A feather taped to a vibrator is a tickling machine to induce hunger, and NOT a sex toy. So you won’t have to ask if you see it in my fridge.

Jarod Kintz

My wife loves window shopping. As for me, I’m more into curtains.

Jarod Kintz

I work as a husband, but I’m also trying to get employment as a neighbor. Sugar anyone?

Jarod Kintz

My clones better not wear invisible cloaks. How am I supposed to find myself as a person if I can’t even find my clones?

Jarod Kintz

The US is at a point where just when the people imagine things can’t get any worse, they realize their imaginations weren’t big enough.

Jarod Kintz

If I had a clone, he’d better be my equal, and not my better. Can you imagine how I’d feel being jealous of myself?

Jarod Kintz

I’ll do anything for money. Anything except work.

Jarod Kintz

Ever since I was fired for sleeping on the job I’ve worn a shirt and tie to bed.

Jarod Kintz

Love is snowy, like the raincloud I left in the freezer. I would ski on the slope of your kiss, but I’d be fearful of an avalanche.

Jarod Kintz

The only French I know is a kiss. I studied a lot of that foreign tongue in high school.

Jarod Kintz

Would you rather be affluent, or influential? I’d rather be fluent in the language of love.

Jarod Kintz

If you ask me if I know how to speak Latin, I’ll say, “No, it’s all Greek to me.

Jarod Kintz

My grandpa doesn’t even have a grand to his name.

Jarod Kintz

The pain I felt when I lost my glove was nothing compared to the pain I felt losing my hand as well.

Jarod Kintz

My love is like one of those wooden Russian nesting dolls (matryoshka doll). I know, because your heart fits perfectly inside mine.


Jarod Kintz

Love means the world to me. But so does a globe.


Jarod Kintz

I’m interested in women as a whole, not simply as three holes.

Jarod Kintz

My wife and I make love every night, sometimes even to each other.

Jarod Kintz