I’m ambidextrous. I can write just as poorly with either hand.
The word ubiquitous is itself ubiquitous in today’s writing.
Dear Edmond, When I got home last night I noticed that you were asleep. I also noticed that you had gone to Morton's Steakhouse and there were leftovers in the fridge. Renaldo and Ruprecht were asleep, so I examined the boxes a little more closely. O...
I decided to write this piece because my internal critic told me to write it. At least I think he told me to write it. You see, he only speaks French, and I don't speak any French, so sometimes there can be a lot of confusion. In fact, all I really k...
I only sing in the shower. I would join a choir, but I don’t think my bathtub can hold that many people.
A cat purring on your lap while you sip hot tea, is there anything better? Oh, and you’re floating in a zero gravity environment.
I eat fog for breakfast, and I shit out steamy love scenes from the 80s.
At my last birthday party I had fun and really let myself go. Literally. I opened the cages where I keep my clones and I let myself go, all 333 versions of myself.
If instead of saucers, UFOs looked more like breasts, I’ll bet there’d be a lot more people trying to take pictures of them.
Why go to remote parts of the world? If they’re remote, just turn them on and watch them on your couch.
I’ll be waiting in my trunk, with the engine of your car.
Orafoura paid me in pajamas, and I let him because the pajamas matched his plaid mustache.
My erection at noon causes an elongated shadow so black you’d think I was an albino.
Ireland is probably named the “Emerald Isle” because there are lots of precious stones found there, such as sapphires and rubies.
Water always flows downhill. So does my love. Are you prepared for a flood? You’d better build an ark.
I've decided to donate my arsenal of machine guns to a hunting charity. That should help raze a million bucks.
You made me dinner, so I made myself vomit—twice. Once to clear some room in my full stomach so I could eat, and the second time as an expression of what I thought about your cooking.
The Nile is famous for overflowing like my love. How fertile is your valley?
I make love in my bathtub, because there’s only room for one person.
I saw something scary. It was a boy, asking me what I’m doing naked in his father’s fridge. Dinner party’s over.
I make love with the accuracy of Joe Montana, and from a distance of up to 100 yards.
