A brick and a blanket walk into a bar, and the bartender turns and says, “What can I get you started with?” Before they could reply, a Finnish guy said, “I’ll take a brick in a blanket, hold the ice.” What the bartender started, the Finnish...
A brick could have been used as a father figure in place of my dad when I was growing up, because a brick may be dumb, but at least it isn’t dumb and interfering in its absence. By not being a part of my life, my dad became a big part of my life, b...
A brick can be used as a nickname for people who are slow, both physically and intellectually.
A blanket could be used to represent the Rectangle of Desire. In nine out of ten cases, it was more effective than Viagra. The tenth case was found to contain a lot of cash, and the participant made off with the money without completing the study.
A brick should decide who gets to rule the people, and I should decide what rules determine whom the brick favors.
A brick could be an object to measure your life against. Are you square, rigid, and inflexible? If yes, are you in the military? If no, why are you acting like a brick?
A brick would make a great stocking stuffer at Christmas—especially if you chisel it out of the fireplace the stocking is hanging from. Let the homeowner know how much you care.
A brick could be modified to be a cell phone, for construction workers who miss the easy to find cell phone size of the 1980s.
A blanket could be considered part of performance art, if you’re inconsiderate and steal all the covers while we’re asleep—and film me shivering and twitching in the night.
A blanket might make the ideal politician, because they’re warm, comforting, soft, and easily corruptible.
A blanket could be used to wrap up a case.
A brick could be used to commit genocide on a small patch of grass, if you lay the brick down on the lawn and leave it there long enough. But I do not condone this monstrosity of lawntrocity. (Lawn + atrocity—clever, no? OK, no, it’s not so cleve...
A brick can’t cure cancer. But who knows, maybe a brick combined with a blanket could. I’ll have to ask Dr. Burzynski about it.
A brick could be used to keep you three inches away from death.
A brick could be used for good, or for evil. The Brick of Creation, or the Brick of Destruction. While you’re deep in thought, contemplating which one you’d rather use, I’ll be over there looting your house.
A brick could be shoved in your buttocks. You know, for your enjoyment.
A brick could be used as a steak knife, and a fly swatter could be used as a meat tenderizer.
A brick could be carried to the beach. You can bring your laptop or tablet and work from anywhere in the world, but when you get that brick in the sand, you’re symbolically saying, “This is my building—and my office has the best possible view.�...
A brick and a blanket need a logo, and I’m just the designer to hire to sit around idly as I ideally charge you by the hour.
A brick could be used to tell how hard the wind is blowing. If the wind blows the brick around, I’d get out of there immediately.
A brick could be locked in a safe, because nobody will try to steal it there.
