I notice your absence. I notice your non presence and reflect on the time you were present, in the present, which is obviously in the past.
If I’m homeless and pushing a shopping cart filled with all my worldly possessions, don’t be surprised to see me stopped behind a few cars in the turning lane, because I’ve got to get off this road.
We fell in love like the Fourth of July. But there was nothing red, white, and blue about it, because we fell in love in England, despite the fact that the colors on their flag are also red, white, and blue.
Love is a peaceful feeling, like a flower hugging a butterfly.
A peaceful wave came over me, and I thought, Thank God I’m holding my breath.
I have a rating system I apply to all people. Mao Zedong might have a Meow Factor of four, but I like to keep my Meow Factor as close to zero as I can. This system is not to be confused with my HV methodology, where I assign myself a Hooray Value of ...
My face doesn’t match my personality. Maybe it would if instead of a mouth I had an asshole in its place.
I notice when you’re gone. Or do I? How can I observe something that isn’t there?
My philosophy on life: On a burrito, the cheese goes underneath the sour cream. Otherwise, how will it melt?
I’d like to play a game of Marco Polo—in the 13th century.
Everybody has something to offer the world. Even rapists, murderers, and politicians. Well, maybe not politicians.
Politicians are people with easy answers for hard problems.
It is possible to be a retard and a politician. In fact, it’s almost a prerequisite.
I ran over some dog poop on my drive home last night. But I didn’t feel bad, because I didn’t vote for that particular politician.
Would it make you more comfortable if I wore a condom while I shook your hand? I could wear it on my penis, or stretch it over my hand. I don’t know these things. I’m new to politics.
I don’t think he’s dumber than a politician. But only because it’s not possible to be dumber than a politician.
The political system, it’s a shame it’s a sham.
I just stepped in shit, and now I’ve got political rhetoric all over my shoes.
I bought an empty safe, and I keep it empty, because safety doesn’t exist, so my safes are full of their potential.
A volt is a measure of power, and the same can be said when people revolt.
I should invent a stationary bike/electrical generator/phonograph player, so that when the grid goes down I will have motivation to exercise for my nightly entertainment.
