Quotes by Jarod Kintz

A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

I just bought a small condo overlooking the water. The water is in a cup, one floor below my unit.

Jarod Kintz

I fell in love with her the moment she was late, though neither one of us knew it at the time because she hadn’t arrived yet.

Jarod Kintz

I love giving love. The more I give, the more I have to give.

Jarod Kintz

My goal is to do the most with the least—get the maximum output with the minimum input.

Jarod Kintz

I talk about talking like I listen to listening—in a room with mirrored walls that makes me appreciate the infinity that is God.

Jarod Kintz

Uncle Sam’s not related to me. He’s stuck his dick in the American Pie too many times to be welcome at my family picnics.

Jarod Kintz

I want a house with a garage, so someone from the government won’t try to park a tank in my living room.

Jarod Kintz

I’ll name my town “Unwelcome,” and the sign will say, “Welcome to Unwelcome.

Jarod Kintz

I don’t have a blue-collar job. It’s more of a green collar, because of all the yellow sweat stains mixing in.

Jarod Kintz

I close my eyes and feel the texture of brick on my fingers in my mind. I try to imagine the wall that surrounds your heart, so I can best devise a plan to breach it.

Jarod Kintz

The hole in my heart matches the key I gave her, and I’d like it back, along with the key to my hope chest.

Jarod Kintz

I have the heart of a lion, and the circulatory system of a lamb.

Jarod Kintz

When I get to heaven, and I see a being of light, I’m going to ask him if he’s the urologist.

Jarod Kintz

My hero’s hero is not necessarily my hero, unless my clone’s hero is my clone’s clone.

Jarod Kintz

I want a one-bedroom house with cup holders. I want to live in my car, and make the road my home.

Jarod Kintz

For me, it’s not about winning an award. It’s also about not even being nominated.

Jarod Kintz

I was honored at the awards ceremony. I didn’t get any recognition, but I was honored to be there. (Tickets were cheaper than I imagined!)


Jarod Kintz

We all have to have something to hold on to, even if it’s our own torso.

Jarod Kintz

My answer is nope, so don’t even hope.

Jarod Kintz

The idea of a belt holding my pants up seems so 20th century. Imagine a world where your pants are held high by your self-esteem. But it’s a silly notion, really, because in a world such as that, nobody would even wear pants.


Jarod Kintz

I am who I pretend to be, and right now I’m pretending to be my own clone.

Jarod Kintz