Quotes by Jarod Kintz

A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

Grow a garden. When there’s a food shortage in the future, you’ll need it. And when people try to steal your food and you shoot them, you’ll also need a good place to hide the bodies.

Jarod Kintz

Books allow you to take flight, unlike the chicken wings I stapled to my back before eating them.

Jarod Kintz

There are lots of great ideas in my book, but as a cohesive unit, my book is only held together with glue at the spine.
 Or it would be, if it weren’t an ebook.

Jarod Kintz

Early on I set out to write the next Great American Novel, and then later on I set out the silverware and enjoyed my dinner in silence.

Jarod Kintz

I’m up for the Julius Caesar Author of the Year Award this year. I’m tremendously proud, considering Caesar is the guy who burned down the Library of Alexandria.

Jarod Kintz

If I’m going to write a book every American will want to read, it’s got to have lots of pictures. Those pictures must also move, and all the words in the book must be spoken and available audibly for all the readers to hear as they watch.



Jarod Kintz

I think a great book title would be “Ida Says ‘I do’ in Idaho.” It would be about a divorce in Washington State, and the protagonist would be a woman, though I’m not sure what her name should be.

Jarod Kintz

Actual message in letter I mailed: Congrats on getting married! Here’s a hundred-dollar gift certificate to Amazon.com. You could buy something practical, or you could buy 101 copies of my .99 cents ebook. Just kidding—I didn’t mean to imply th...

Jarod Kintz

This book does not exist. And even if it did, it wouldn’t be worth buying or reading.

Jarod Kintz

You can believe history books when they tell you when wars were fought. You just can’t trust them as to why.

Jarod Kintz

I once wrote a book ten stories high. Each story was a story.

Jarod Kintz

Pluto will always be a planet in my book. That’s because my book was published before Pluto was blacklisted by planetary scientists.

Jarod Kintz

There are only two kinds of books worth keeping: Valuable books and valuable books. The first value is monetary, and the second value is mind-expanding capability.

Jarod Kintz

As much as I would love to know what you know, I’d much rather eat your brain with a spoon.

Jarod Kintz

His shelf. Good. Noodle dust. Decaying brain collecting dust. Must insert it back in skull—what was I thinking?

Jarod Kintz

If it’s dangerous, then you go first. If it’s pleasurable, then I’ll be brave and lead the charge.

Jarod Kintz

Love will wreck your heart like a derailed train. So choo-choose your partner wisely.

Jarod Kintz

I’ll leave the door cracked, because cracked is better than broken.

Jarod Kintz

A farm is a business, and I ran mine into the ground. The next year it grew back.

Jarod Kintz

Like a 9-5 business at 4:59 pm, her legs were open.

Jarod Kintz

With my career I want to either make something or make an impact. Writers both make something, and make an impact.

Jarod Kintz