If there’s a 50% chance of rain, I guess it means it’ll be half sunny. Relationships are similar, with my love being sunny and your love being cloudy.
My car rides smooth like I’m driving a cloud. If I park it at your house, I may get rainwater on your living room carpet.
I don’t look for faces in clouds, I look for clouds in faces. And the best place to look is at the face of my friend, Carl Cumulonimbus, who I nicknamed “Rain Factory,” because he’s always either in a dark and stormy mood, or crying heavily.
I wouldn't mind showering in the rain, if there weren't so many naked men holding umbrellas standing behind me. Who invited Congress?
Just because I wear a size 14 shoe does not mean I’ll take it off when I go to shake your hand.
Ninety minutes of pure naughty (limit 30 minutes per customer). *No clones or triplets allowed!
His first name is Brooks, but his last name isn’t. His last name is Wrinkled, unlike his shirt (he isn’t wearing one).
Dear Ian, I felt good. I felt like a Christian to the T. Also to the Chris, Ian.
I could fuck on my back like 4:44. But I don’t. I do it like 3:33.
I’d like to make a statement, and I’d like to make it out of my own small intestines.
Dear mom, My lieutenant is a prostitute. Can you please send me more lunch money, as her rates have recently increased.
If I win in the nick of time, I’ll spread my congrats evenly to every Nick in the stands. I’ll give them all one watch, because we all share time, so they can share the watch.
Her name is Angela, though she’s no angel. Dad, I can’t believe she replenishes us.
He’s a buying dude, and I’ve got to sell him something—like my credibility. (On sale Today through Labor Day.)
You graduated 120 years ago? When I graduated I was just one of many in a large stack of love letters. Now get me out of this Time Fridge before I self-cannibalize! I walked a thousand miles to stand still in this moment.
He was washing his socks. But they were already clean, so I figured I’d help him and wear them for him and get them all stinky. He had a flight to catch and a tiny lasso.
I can Grandma like nobody’s business. Hey, mind your own, grandpa, before I go all Uncle Sam on your ass.
Be that as it may, it may be maybe, or it may be May, Bee.
I picked up the knife to cut the melon, and then smashed it with my fist instead.
My name is Couch Choochoo, and I’m here to train you.
Red calls out to the rose, but I’m the only one who’s listening.
