The US has the highest incarceration rate in the world. I don’t want to release the prisoners—I want to lease them. If they’re not going to work, they might as well not work for me.
I’ve been to the Big House. Not prison, but the Biltmore Estate.
Sales is a solo endeavor, a cold and lonely venture. Or it can be viewed in that aloof manner. It can also be viewed as something warm and symbiotic, and I think that’s what all the best salespeople have in common. They all choose to look at sales ...
I don't think any man could solve the world's problems overnight, myself included. You'd better give me at least two days.
I’m wise when it comes to your issues, and a fool when it comes to mine. Emotion is the blindfold we cannot see or feel we’re wearing.
The best time to complain is right after you’ve come up with a solution to the problem. Pose the questions, present the answers, and then pose nude while the people make statues out of you in veneration.
Nobody can stop me. But only because I haven’t started yet.
Whenever I schedule an appointment, my general rule of thumb is, tomorrow is better than yesterday.
Who was where when has no impact on where you are now.
I’ve come a long way in the last year. 365 days, to be exact.
I like to keep a shotgun in my room for protection. You know, just in case my apartment gets broken into by a pack of deer, which is something I’m constantly worrying about.
Reverse psychology, I do it in front of the mirror.
I think the best punishment for a misbehaving child is to strap them to a chair and make them listen to Lady Gaga. Actually, perhaps that’s too cruel, too close to torture.
I don’t know where, but I know how and why. Two out of three out of six ain’t bad.
I don't like questions at all if they are anything like how I like my mashed potatoes: loaded.
My last name should be “Why,” because it is my destiny to question everything, including how to change my last name to one of the shortest questions and the question of all questions.
I had a fistful of huhs, and a Ziploc bag full of questions—and a sandwich. But I didn’t bring them, because my lunchbox was full of love.
The only questions I’ll ask my clone, are ones in which I already know the answer. This is the path to self-discovery.
Love is like a summer rainstorm in winter. Where I’m from that’s called romance. Where you’re from that may be called snow.
I didn’t go to the water park because it was raining, and I didn’t want to get wet.
Rain, it always reminds me of water. And you know how much I love things that remind me of other things. Say, that reminds me...
