If you need me I’ll be napping in the supplies closet. The most important part of an attack is the planning.
I’ll steal the letter X, and replace it with treasure. So sex would then be spelled setreasure, but it’d still be just as pleasurable.
I’d Poe’s nude for the approval of a dead poet. No names come to mind, but I’m sure there must be one I’d get naked for.
If I were stranded in the woods with nothing to eat but nuts, berries, and the complete works of Allen Ginsberg, I’d eat the latter first, because at least the nuts and berries might be inspirational to my poetry.
Her shoes were so pink that if she stepped in bubblegum, nobody would be able to see. And my shoes were so brown that if I stepped in shit, you wouldn’t be able to tell that I had just trampled on the collected works of Allen Ginsberg.
I sell black markers on the black market. I am personally responsible for 50% of all truck stop urinal poetry.
I once watched several criminals engage in an organized argument, while an audience of supporters cheered them on, but I was so disgusted that I had to turn off the political debate.
I’d make a great politician. I’d make it out of pig shit, so it wouldn’t be as foul as it is now.
I feel like the boy who cried wolf, even though I know even less about politics.
A new poll found that 84% of American people were disgusted by Congress, and my only thought is, Are 16% of Americans insane? If they’re not disgusted, they should eat a bowl of vomit soup. It’s fresh, as I just made it after reading the latest p...
I’m so constipated that every time I go to shit, the only thing that comes out is political rhetoric.
She was in a coma, and had been unresponsive for years. Every Tuesday I’d visit her and read to her, and as I’d leave I’d always say, “I love you,” as I’d kiss her on her forehead. One day as I was leaving, I said my normal I love you and...
I’m wearing my political mustache today. If you want to see it, you’ll find it on the pubic region of a lobbyist.
I have a deep respect for shallow pockets. They keep politicians honest.
Not only did I not get it done, but I’m over budget too. I’m like a politician.
I watch my feet as I walk along. Left, right, left, right, why is everything about politics?
It’s still masturbation if your clone gives you a hand job. It’s also a lot like being a member of Congress.
Hardly anybody tells the truth these days. For the truth I have to go to Washington DC, and whatever a politician says, interpolate the opposite.
Politics are like shoes. On one side you have the left, and on the other side you have the right. And every politician is essentially a shoe salesman trying to sell you one shoe, either the left or the right, whichever one he stands for. So I guess t...
This is America. Every vote counts. Sometimes twice, if it helps me get elected.
I want to keep politics out of my breakfast. Politics isn’t something I want in my eggs, no matter how scrambled I like them.
