Quotes by Jarod Kintz

A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

If God had wanted men to swim, he would have taught fish to fish. But fish don’t fish, and neither do I, but it’s also the reason I don’t swim.

Jarod Kintz

I prefer statues silent, rather than of ears with tongues sticking out and licking out loudly.

Jarod Kintz

I’ll see a tree and be reminded of her. So I’ll have to go have sex with that tree.

Jarod Kintz

I’ve just awarded myself a trophy for bicycling. It’s big and it only has one wheel. Now I’m one unicycle away from the bicycle that is love.

Jarod Kintz

My nostrils smell, but not to you. Oh, they have no odor, unless you count the scent of nostalgia, which is what they always smell like.

Jarod Kintz

Nothing is and isn’t; nothing is and isn’t—nothing itself is, and at the same time, nothing isn’t.

Jarod Kintz

Over 90% of my do-nothing attitude can be attributed to one thing—nothing. So can the other 10%—but that’s just the free sample part.

Jarod Kintz

-I don’t want you to do anything. -Well then I won’t do anything.
 -Thank you.
 -Doing nothing, it’s the least I can do.

Jarod Kintz

The beauty of the ocean, it takes your breath away. Especially if you’re underwater. She also took my breath away. She suffocated me with her love.

Jarod Kintz

I sneezed into the wind, and closed my eyes and imagined my face was barraged by cool ocean spray.

Jarod Kintz

If I had to live my life over, I’d live it over seas, like a cloud.

Jarod Kintz

Walking on the beach like a ventriloquist, I’ll make it sound like the ocean is calling out to you—through a conch shell.

Jarod Kintz

A lake is not an ocean. But my love for you is. And it’s drying up as we speak—or, rather, as we don’t speak.

Jarod Kintz

The world has genetically modified opinions, but mine are organic. Taste them and you will see.

Jarod Kintz

I carry a door with me wherever I go, because one, it’s symbolic for the opportunities that’ll open up for me, and two, I want to be the best door-to-door salesman who sells doors, so I carry a sample with me everywhere.

Jarod Kintz

What you’d call stealing, I’d call a mistake. Or, if I were a politician, I’d call it an opportunity, and my privilege.

Jarod Kintz

I’m in the middle between a pessimist and an optimist. I take full responsibility for the glass half full. Well, I take half-full responsibility. But if it were full of beer, I’d take full responsibility.

Jarod Kintz

Of all the pessimistic people, I am the most optimistic. I look forward to looking down on all the people looking up to me for answers from below.

Jarod Kintz

When the gain is greater than the pain, I’ll be there, telling you how we can both profit from your productivity. That’s what love is about.

Jarod Kintz

The all-knowing yesterday is obsolete today.

Jarod Kintz

I like color commentators. Especially red, white, and blue color commentators. As an American I sometimes feel so patriotic I feel British.

Jarod Kintz