I like a man who pauses to reflect, while pausing in the mirror to reflect. I can imagine that such a man would look exactly like my clone.
I have no regrets. Just original grets.
She’s my compliment. That’s a kind way of saying I’m lacking.
While I love people, I hate every single person. I only like a person if they’re in a relationship.
I was raised in a fishing village in the middle of the desert. I sold hellos and goodbyes just to get by.
The only thing better than being productive, is being reproductive.
I sleep on my side. And if you’re not on my side, you’re against me.
I sing into burritos like they're microphones. If you want my autograph, you’re going to have to wait until the end of the concert.
Whole trees are good fishing nets. I fish like I farm.
I am the sum of all somes, with a few scattered nones and nuns thrown in (though I didn’t throw the nuns in, as I don’t condone violence).
I am a duck. I’m cool and calm on the surface, but underneath it all is a nonstop struggle to succeed. My feet are like orange spatulas.
I let wine breathe. And I hold my breathe, so it can get all the air.
There’s a new wine I want to try. I heard about it through the grapevine.
My asshole smells like a paper mill. Three cheers for being a writer.
A brick could make everything better for me. Now, if I could only find a way to get my hands on one. But it’s a silly dream, because I don’t have the ambition to get out from under my blanket and go out and grab the very thing I most desire.
A brick and a blanket aptly describe my former roommate. He was as dumb as a brick, and only highly functional on a bed. Or so I heard—not that I’d know from personal experience.
A brick could be used to measure the speed of gravity, but an apple offers a tastier option.
A brick could be used to block a mouse hole. But something better that would not only block the hole physically, but also psychologically, would be to stuff a dead rat in the hole.
A brick and a blanket can be used as reasons to go on searching, when you’ve found all the obvious applications for the brick and the blanket—and immediately discarded them—but you lost the motivation to keep thinking, and you’ve lost hope th...
A brick could be used to direct traffic. Use a brick from the scene of the accident, where some driver ran into a brick wall.
A brick could replace the eagle as the symbol for the United States of America. And why not? A brick just sort of sits there, expecting everything to be built around it; a brick crumbles, much like an empire; and a brick is nonthinking, just like Ame...
