What I call talking to God, you may call talking to myself. Of course, I’m flattered that you’d think I am God.
If I knew what you’d do, exactly when you knew what you’d do, then I’d either be you or I’d be God. And we both know I’m not you.
There’s nobody worth talking about, so let’s not talk about it. Only let’s do it anyway. I’ll make it up and then make up later.
I put the hop in IHOP, and jumped on my pan of pancakes and then on to Panama. That’s standard government issued foolishness right there.
In the tortoise and the hair fable, I believe the tortoise represents big business, while the hair represents small business. Not featured in the fable is the six-ton snail, which represents the government. Not only is it massive and unbelievably slo...
Somebody tell Uncle Sam the ultimate stimulus package is a bottle of Viagra.
For me, a website would be user friendly if it gave me a handjob. It’d be doubly impressive if it were also a porn site, or government regulation compliance site.
I’m as efficient as a fish ant, I’m as mythical as a productive government employee, and I’m the kind of lover your mother would approve of. Ask her—she’ll tell you how good I am in bed.
What do you call 1,000 government employees with no mouths or legs? More efficient.
Farmers don’t picket government corruption, they picket fences. Let this be a lesson in love and the proper way to separate churlish and state.
The government should either force the population to get healthy, or tax them for not complying. If the people still refuse to shape up, they should be imprisoned. Nothing is healthier for society than more government regulation.
The government is so efficient it often takes two people to do the work of one. Actually, more accurately, it takes twice the manpower to do half the work.
He was cold and ugly, so I lent him my invisible cloak. He was grateful and said if I was ever in the area again, I should try to find him.
I guess I should be thankful. Full of thank. But what is thank? I can't eat thank, so I know my stomach isn't full of thank. I can't smell or breathe thank, so I know my lungs aren't full of thank. I'm not even sure how much thank I could fit in the ...
When I was a concierge, I didn’t want a guest’s gratitude. I wanted gratuity. A thank you and a warm smile are always made warmer by a transfer of money.
It’s supposed to be raining Thank Yous on Thursday, after an ingratitude draught. Also, you’d better enjoy my love while it’s fresh, before it goes rotten and I have to sell it to McDonald’s as chicken filler.
Distributing unsolicited You’re Welcomes, it’s a thankless task. It’s almost as if people don’t want to see me at 4 AM as I knock on their doors.
I’d collaborate with my clones, because I’m a team player who wants all the credit.
Growing up, I went through an awkward stage. It lasted from birth to last Tuesday.
To say that I grew up without parents is a lie, because I haven’t grown up yet. Also, all six of my potential parental candidates are still alive.
Is that a ziggurat in your pocket or are you just Mesopotamia? You should know I sell happy-to-see-me's & bananas individually or by the pocketful.
