If you need me I’ll be sitting over there, on the ground, next to the empty chair. The emptiness always reminds me of your love.
A handshake is a balanced transaction, an even interaction based on agreement. A handshake is a physical representation of quid pro quo. But if Seth Goden is right, and we are now past this for that in a gift society, what should we do with our hands...
I’m a master of encouragement. Why should I do work myself when the price of getting others to do it for me is as cheap as cheering them on?
When congratulations are in order, I like to wait until they’re out of order to offer a high five or enthusiastic pat on the back.
If a man is powerful, then his rival must therefore also be powerful. The other’s prestige enhances your own. So choose your enemies wisely. My enemy is so great he won’t be born like a normal man. Oh, not Immaculate Conception like my God, but h...
On cloudy days I just want to raise my arm up, stand on my toes, and screw a light bulb into the sky. Don’t worry, my light bulb is energy efficient—it runs on solar power.
If you say renewable, I’ll think energy. If you say fore, I’ll think play. If you say binary, I’ll think anal defibrillator.
Numbers have power. But not enough to supply all the energy for all your daily electrical needs. There’s just not enough strength in numbers for all that.
I want to save the environment. I like being green as much as the next Smurf.
Her love is a green rose in a fit of red jealousy. Contrast that to my love, which has no contrast, and is a red rose full of red envy for the object of her jealousy.
It must be awful to be on a team with a superstar, someone much better than everyone else. At least that’s how my teammates must feel about me. But who cares? They’re just my clones.
At first, the drudgery of mastering your craft is a prison—boring, slow, and with an awareness of how much time you’ll have to put in. But somewhere along your prison sentence, you come to see the time you put into your work not as dull and meage...
The best way to guarantee you have a job tomorrow is to not finish all the work your boss asked of you today. Wait, that’s not right. Sorry, I’m thinking like a government employee again.
Today I found yet more evidence that I’m a lunatic. The proof came in a package in the mail. The sender? Myself. The evidence? Tampered with.
Some people believe that people are essentially evil. Others believe people are essentially good. I believe they are somewhere in the middle, like Denver.
What is it about money that makes people kill for it? I’ll have to think about that next time I do it.
It may seem like good is always reacting in response to evil, and evil always makes the first move, but if the universe is essentially good, and I believe it is, then evil can only ever be reactionary.
To take another person’s life for personal gain is the most selfish act imaginable. Especially when that other person is your clone.
You wouldn’t try to mow your lawn with an electric razor, like it was a green beard, so why would you try to deny the existence of nonexistence?
Some people are happy to exist, and other people are happy to exit. If you’re wondering why everyone is running, it’s because I just pulled the fire alarm.
I’m looking for lost, but I don’t think I’ll ever find it, because the moment I do find it, it isn’t. Still, I’ll bet I find it before I find love.
