I'm the kind of guy who puts other people first. Particularly if there’s danger up ahead. Now I’m not saying I’m any more cowardly than the next man, unless that next man is any other man besides my clone.
A Dragon Rose is a flying flower that breathes fire. A relationship isn’t truly a romance if there isn’t a tiny element of danger involved.
The most dangerous flower is one that grows on a grave. Everybody in its vicinity is dead. That’s why I hand-picked it for my mother-in-law.
Being buried alive in a cemetery would put me in grave danger.
The darkness has ink eyes, and if you stare long enough, you’re going to see it blink black. That’s the moment to start writing.
Love is the gap between the blackness and the emptiness. Of course, there are also times when love isn’t so cheery and gets really dark and lonely.
There is nothing more enjoyable than being a member of an enlightened group of people that meets in complete darkness in complete secrecy. I have no idea why the other members joined, when they joined, how they joined, or if, in fact, there are any o...
My lips touched hers, like two butterflies in the wind. Then I went home, cut off my eyelids, and I’ve been living in darkness since.
For our first date we went Dutch. We would have gone another nationality, but they are the tallest.
I prefer long-distance relationships. If we were dating, would you be offended if I asked you to stand back a few feet?
I had a hot date last night. Things were going well so I took her back to her house, dropped her off, and went home to masturbate.
Dating is all about getting to know somebody, without wasting a lot of time or money. What is the price of love? You’ve got the cost of dinner, a movie, and cab fare for you and your date, as well as the entire film crew documenting your evening. S...
At the end of the first date, I got my courage up and I made a move. One U-Haul van and 1,500 miles later, I regretted my boldness.
Walking along the sidewalk and staring at the street, I couldn’t help but wonder if my date was thinking how provocative the term “manhole cover” is.
I got stood up. I wasn’t mad, because at the time I was in a wheelchair.
Love tip # 29: Increase your chances of getting to second date by not having stinky garlic breath during the end of the first date. Especially if you’re dating a vampire.
I didn’t have enough money to tip the waitress, so I offered to take her out on a date, provided she paid for dinner. And picked me up.
A sister should set her brother up with one of her friends, unless her only friend is her sister.
Based on the questions we both answered, we’re a 0% love match. That means we’re 100% compatible, once I enlighten her to the correct perspective on life.
After our date, I spent about an hour trying to get in her pants before finally giving up. Her pocket was just too tight.
My date couldn’t make it to dinner, because at the last minute I backed down from asking her.
